


Careful

by jeejaschocolate



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series, Final Fantasy XIII-2, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Emotional Sex, Lightning Returns Spoilers, M/M, Male Slash, Post-Game(s), Rare Pairing, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-02-27 12:22:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2692835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeejaschocolate/pseuds/jeejaschocolate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Dajh is a young man with a life of his own, Sazh struggles to find his own reasons to keep living. He finds help in the form of a young airship pilot recruit, Noel Kreiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, first of all, why is this ship not a thing?? To me this pairing is absolutely glorious and I hope you agree because I suddenly think it's very important! I really wanted the chance to write this ship and also to delve into the most angsty character in the fandom: Sazh Katzroy. Seriously, the guy always seems to be going through some dark times. What are his reasons to hold himself together? I wanted to know his psychology, and then suddenly there was this lovely fic idea.
> 
> I'm planning on about four chapters for this story, but that may change. I hope you enjoy!

Night poured in through the window of Sazh’s small apartment. Another day done. The airship captain swished the ice around in his drink with a tight flourish of his hand. Another day done, unfortunately not soon enough for him.  
  
Sazh sighed and downed the rest of whatever was in glass (he had lost track as the night went on). He felt the burn of the alcohol as it settled, letting out a deep breath to balance the sensation. He was no stranger to fire after all, having commanded the spirit of a fiery Eidolon for so long. Oh Brynhildr, the times they had together.  
  
Well, a lot of time had passed. That was for sure. This new world that had been made for the human race was alright, Sazh reasoned. Better than being engulfed by chaos, anyway. But time had not been any more merciful once the humans had taken up residence in the new digs--not by a long shot. Sazh ran a hand through his graying afro. Even though his puffy hair was as distinguished as always, there was no denying the distinct strands of grey that stood out amongst his tight curls now. Oh yes, time was a beast that did as it pleased.  
  
A letter from Dajh lay on the table next to him. The paper was already worn from Sazh having held it in his hands so many times, wrinkling it at the corners, folding and unfolding without even realizing the damage he was doing...  
  
 _Don’t worry about me, Dad!_  
  
The line stood out against the page. He had read it so many times. The words were burned into his mind’s eye, so much that he could see and hear the phrase even when he was doing other things.  
  
“Don’t worry, yeah right,” Sazh muttered to himself. “What else is there to do...”  
  
Dajh was no longer the young child Sazh had spent so much of his life trying to raise. The years that had turned Sazh’s hair grey had also effectively turned Dajh into a bright young man with the whole world out there waiting for him. As soon as Dajh turned eighteen, the kid was off to make the world a better place, applying for engineering programs and human service operations that would better the human race as a whole. Dajh was smart, good at math and science just like his father, and he had a dream to build new vehicles that could run on clean products instead of man-made materials. It was a tall order, but if anyone could do it, it was Dajh. The kid had two desires: Help people and help the land they lived off of. Noble as hell, and damn if it didn’t make Sazh proud of him.  
  
The only downside to Dajh’s journey was that it left Sazh alone to live out the rest of his life. The program that Dajh had enlisted in, (part college education, part on-the-job experience), had the boy running around the country doing this and that, never with enough time to stop by his old man’s place once and a while for a real visit. Dajh was a good son though in that he sent a letter from each new place he visited--names Sazh had never heard of and was surprised that people had ever thought of to begin with--to let his father know that he was in good health and doing exciting things.  
  
 _Don’t worry about me, Dad! The water here is so blue I can barely believe it! Reminds me of that time we had in Bodhum all those years ago...remember that?_  
  
“Course I remember that,” Sazh responded, as if Dajh were right next to him and had said the words aloud. “Hard to forget a trip that changes the fate of the whole damn world.”  
  
This was the ninth letter Dajh had sent him since he left ten months ago. A letter once a month was reasonable, Sazh told himself, but couldn’t Dajh find time to write just a little more often? Every week that went by with no word left Sazh sick with worry, only a tall glass of scotch or whiskey to calm him. Were the places Dajh went, the things he got up to, were they safe? Were they clean enough? Was Dajh being practical with money, saving and spending like he was brought up to do? Was he keeping his heart guarded from people that would try to break him down? Who knew!  
  
On top of that, if Sazh were being honest, it was not just the worry that had him up at odd hours of the night with a glass in his hand. It was the loneliness. Sazh had lived his whole life up until that point with Dajh in mind, trying to do a good enough job as a parent for both him and his late wife, just like she would have wanted. Besides, the gods only knew what kinds of things Sazh and Dajh had been through--l’Cie brands and Focuses, crystal prisons, getting lost in the fabric of time and space, five hundred years praying that Dajh’s soul would come back to him! Crazy times, but some good in there as well. Their joyous reunions just when Sazh had given up hope, the smile on his son’s face when he held the chocobo chick...making his son laugh again after years of nothing but anger and sadness. Sazh remembered that time most of all.  
  
Now, though? Sazh had to find his own reasons to live. He had to find something to occupy his time (something he had far too much of now, ironically) and his mind so that he did not go totally insane.  
  
Naturally, Sazh had a job. He and Dajh had needed a source of income right away once they arrived in the new world. Society itself had restarted fairly quickly. Sazh still remembered all his experiences in the air-force. He had used his skills as a pilot to oversee the creation of new world airships, building parts and flying ships like used to do. It was difficult work in the beginning, organizing people and materials all at once, not to mention using every last bit of his airship flying skills to tame the first few haphazard inventions they had made as prototypes. In time, the work had stabilized. Now the operation was almost entirely independent, and successful enough that airships had become a fairly common way to get around just like the past.  
  
Sazh had found his job slowing down with each passing year. Now all he needed to do was fly the occasional airship that needed maintenance or quality assurance. All the young engineers and pilots deferred to him as the man that had gotten the project underway, so Sazh actually had a good amount of authority to his name. Unfortunately, that still left him with painfully little to do every day.  
  
Most days, Sazh just hung around in the bunker of a decommissioned airship that had become an office of sorts for him. The airship was too unsafe to fly, even Sazh had conceded that, but he could not bear to part with such a beautiful machine. So, he had moved a bunch of his stuff into the bunker to use the wasted space as a kind of private study for whenever he needed time to himself. Eventually, people just started referring to it as Sazh’s office and now people reported to him there as if it was normal. No complaints on Sazh’s side of things, he liked being secluded from the rest of his team sometimes.  
  
But again, lately, Sazh had found himself too secluded for his own good. When he had started talking to the airship like it was a person with feelings and thoughts, Sazh knew it was time to move away from his comfort zone.  
  
There came a day when one of his PR people told him of an opportunity to train new recruits to the pilot program. Sazh had jumped at the chance. He thought it was just what he needed, time spent around people, talking about things he was comfortable with (airships, that’s about it), with enough to do that there was no time to get too personal! Perfect.  
  
Or so he thought. Once he had started his new responsibility, Sazh found the recruits to be a bunch of whiny, undisciplined, painfully sycophantic newbies who could not tell starboard from port. To make matters worse, Sazh felt personally responsible for all of their failures--even though no one was actually holding him to anything. It was a matter of professional pride for Sazh, making sure that all the kids turned out to be successful pilots by the end of their training. Needless to say, there were quite a few disappointments and hopeless cases that had stuck in Sazh’s side for far too long.  
  
“Gotta give up sometime,” Sazh said with a sigh. It was the truth. Sazh needed to learn to let go of a lot of things, his parental control over Dajh, his fears, his need to own up to everything that went on under his jurisdiction.  
  
But without all that, who was he, really?  
  
“Whoa, getting too heavy there.” Sazh forced himself to shake the question out of his mind. That thought, the question of who he was and what he wanted with the rest of his life, weighed down too heavily in his soul. Especially now when all he had was himself and his whiskey tumbler for company.  
  
To ease the thought away, Sazh swallowed another gulp of sweet tasting liquor. This time the burn fought its way back up and Sazh had to stifle a burp with his fist. Why did he even bother to keep up appearances, anyway? It was a shame, but the bachelor life really didn’t suit him after all.  
  
Sazh rested his head down on the table. That last sip had gone straight to his head and he decided it was time to close his eyes for a bit until the spinning feeling subsided. Clutching the letter in his hand, Sazh fell into a sleep that left him dead to the world outside his own troubled mind.  
  
______________________________________________________________  
  
The first thing Sazh felt the next day was that his face was hot. It bothered him. For a second he wondered if he might be sick. Then he felt a burning behind his closed eyelids and realized that if he opened them he would find himself staring uncomfortably at the bright morning sun.  
  
His head throbbed dully. In his mouth his tongue felt like thick sandpaper. Blearily, Sazh opened his eyes and passed a hand over his face. He realized with dismay that he had fallen drunkenly to sleep the night before and never woke up. Now it was already time for work.  
  
Hesitantly, the past few years evident now more than ever, Sazh got to his feet. He stretched and got himself a glass of water, hopefully to settle his stomach and calm his head. No luck there. This hangover would probably last the rest of the morning, if he was lucky.  
  
Sazh whispered some curses under his breath. He had only had a few glasses and look at the state of him. His age was really showing, he thought, and it made the airship captain feel embarrassed and angry.  
  
“Enough of this shit,” Sazh said to himself. He decided he would steadfastly ignore everything he was feeling, all of it, and go to work right away.  
  
With only a complimentary sniff to his clothes (the same he fallen asleep in, the same he had worn the day before), Sazh steeled himself and struggled out the door.  
  
Everything was business as usual at the airship hanger. His colleagues greeted him cheerfully, making no sign that they noticed Sazh had slept in his same clothes from yesterday. Blinking hard against the throbbing in his head, Sazh raised a hand in quiet good morning.  
  
The walk to his office was especially long that day. His feet refused to move at anything but a shuffling pace.  
  
“Oh, Sazh! I mean, Mr. Katzroy, sir!”  
  
Sazh was already at the door to the dilapidated airship when his PR person, a guy whose last name was Teig, caught up with him.  
  
“What is it, Teig?” Sazh said wearily, fishing the keys to his office out of his pocket. “It’s only nine in the morning and already you have something for me?”  
  
“Actually it’s...twelve in the afternoon, sir,” Teig responded uncomfortably.  
  
Sazh balked. He was late?! When did that happen? Had he forgotten to check the time before he left?  
  
The captain turned angrily back to his employee. He wanted to shout, very ashamed that no one had even said anything to him for coming in late. Sazh wanted absolutely no special treatment, not for his age or rank or anything. He would have some words with his staff about this....but, none of that was Teig’s fault, really.  
  
Letting his angry expression drop, Sazh sighed and continued searching for his keys. “So what do you want, Teig?”  
  
Teig pushed up the glasses he always wore, a nervous habit. “Well, I wanted to introduce you to the new batch of recruits, sir. We had a few come in yesterday and one came in today who said he wanted to see you specifically.”  
  
“That program still running? I thought we canned that.” Finally, Sazh found his keys. He pushed open the door to his office with a disgruntled expression on his face. How he wished he had washed his hands of this stupid recruiting program months ago...  
  
“Uh...no sir! We still have recruits coming in to learn what it takes to be an airship pilot!” Teig was blatantly confused, but covering it up with misplaced enthusiasm.  
  
Sazh took in the familiar state of his office and then promptly sat down on the plush chair he kept, once a pilot’s seat. He let himself massage his temples briefly to help his headache.  
  
“Alright, alright.” Sazh sighed again. This was part of the job, so he would have to do it. “How many recruits did you say?”  
  
“Five altogether, sir. Four yesterday and then one today.”  
  
“Oh yeah, that one today, you said he wanted to see me?” Sazh squinted at Teig, trying to read the situation off of his employee’s face.  
  
“That’s right. Says he knows you.”  
  
“Knows me?” Sazh almost laughed at that. He really only knew a handful of people outside of work, and those were the people he had fought alongside back in the day. They kept in touch every now and then, but he doubted any of them would come to the recruiting program of all things.  
  
“Yeah. His name is Noel Kreiss.” Teig read the name off a piece of paper in his hand. “Here’s his application.”  
  
Sazh took the paper and glanced at it briefly. Noel Kreiss. Of course he knew the name, he could even vaguely picture the face that went along with it. Brown hair, green eyes, baggy pants...or was it blue eyes? Sazh couldn’t remember the details. He had met Noel only a handful of times.  
  
The application was exceptional, Sazh could admit that. Noel’s physical fitness report was off the charts, obviously the kid was in great shape. He had near perfect hand-eye coordination and several glowing letters of recommendation from people he had worked with in the past, mostly in a private contractor capacity for various things.  
  
But why put time into creating such a solid application? Sazh would have given Noel the chance to be a pilot if he had just asked, on a polite friendship basis alone. And then why try so hard to have such good marks on the report? Who even cared about things like that?  
  
Sazh tossed the application onto a nearby table that was already littered with various papers. Probably the last time he would look at it.  
  
“Well, if he wants to see me then bring him in.” Sazh figured he should at least acknowledge someone he kind of knew, even if he had a feeling that Noel would be annoying to deal with in the program if his impression was correct.  
  
“Yes sir!” Teig was gone in a flash.  
  
“Always eager, that one,” Sazh said quietly, once he was alone. He sat in his chair contemplating whether or not his stomach could handle some food. Before he knew it, Teig had returned. He heard a solid knock on the door and a resounding “Mr. Katzroy,” asking for permission to come in.  
  
Sazh stifled another sigh. He gathered himself, fixed his clothes a little (and why should he even care about how he looked? Except that he had known Noel back in the day, slightly, and that counted for something, he supposed), and called, “Come in.”  
  
Teig stepped in first, holding the door open for Noel who walked in calmly behind him. Once Sazh laid eyes on Noel, he felt his memory balk. Noel looked different than he remembered, same hair, but blue eyes definitely (an intense, piercing kind of blue that made him a little uncomfortable), and slightly older now, no longer a kid turning into an adult, but a young man. Plus, Noel wore completely different clothes. He was wearing a white, short-sleeved button-down and jeans. He looked normal but surprisingly remarkable at the same time.  
  
Beyond that, Noel’s presence (and sure, the kid definitely had a presence about him, probably just over-confidence), sparked some of Sazh’s old memories. Now Sazh remembered, once upon a time, his life had been different than this...  
  
Noel met Sazh’s eyes easily, a smile playing at his lips. He put a hand on his hip and swiveled slightly. Sazh found the gesture strange.  
  
“Long time no see!” Noel said, his tone almost too familiar considering that he and Sazh had never been close.  
  
“Yeah, same to you,” Sazh replied, his voice falling flat. All in all, he appeared very underwhelmed by Noel. The kid knew nothing about him, after all, and had no way of knowing that Sazh had changed since they last spoke.   
  
Teig cleared his throat. Apparently that was some kind of signal because Noel straightened up immediately and put his hand to his brow in a salute.  
  
“Reporting for training, Captain Katzroy sir!” Noel called out in a strong voice. Sazh noticed that even though his stance was formal, Noel still had a small smile on his face and a knowing look in his eyes.  
  
Sazh waved his hand at the gesture. “Relax,” he said. “No need for all that.”  
  
Ambling to his feet, Sazh looked away to stretch his shoulders a little. In truth, he wanted to appear indifferent, there was something satisfying about it. “So, what brings you to the pilot program?”  
  
“No particular reason,” Noel replied. “Only that I saw one of your airships the other day. Flew right over me as I was walking. The second I saw it, I knew I had to fly one.”  
  
Sazh fought the urge to scoff. “You’ve...seen airships before, right?”  
  
“Sure. Back in the other world, definitely. But there’s something different about these new models you made...” Noel trailed off, clearly leading Sazh on to ask what it was.  
  
Fine. He would bite. “What’s different about them?” Sazh asked.  
  
“They glide better now. It’s like you changed the whole design and made it so much lighter.” Noel paused for a second. “To me, it looks like owning a pair of wings.”  
  
That was about the dumbest reason for wanting to be a pilot Sazh had ever heard, but deep down he could relate to the feeling. It was the same reason Sazh himself had first wanted to fly when he was a kid. At least Noel had the guts to be honest about it.  
  
“Sure, sure,” Sazh said, trying to ignore Noel’s revelation. “You know, you could have just asked to be in the program and I would have accepted you. No need for that fancy application, son.”  
  
“Nope!” Noel’s face seemed to brighten at the assertion. “No special treatment! I want to be a pilot, so I’ll apply and go through the training like everyone else.”  
  
Sazh nodded. He could respect that. And...that was just about enough questions for today. He still had other recruits to meet, not to mention absolutely no desire to continue a conversation like this.  
  
The captain walked over to Noel, who had dropped his salute but was still standing tall (and still smiling, did that cocky look ever go away?).  
  
“Welcome to the program, Noel,” Sazh said, making eye contact again deliberately and sticking out his hand for Noel to shake.  
  
They shook hands. “Glad to be here, sir,” Noel answered.  
  
It looked like the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the set up. Chapter Two to come!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noel gets his start in the training program. It's clear he's dying to impress someone...

Sazh met the rest of the recruits in the back of the hanger. There was a locker room there built specifically for trainees and Sazh walked in once he had been assured the recruits were ready.  
  
Noel had already joined the small team. His beige recruit uniform pressed tightly against his chest but was baggy around the waist. The khaki pants looked nondescript on him, Noel could almost have fit in with the crowd if it wasn’t for his distinct facial features (especially those eyes, damn).  
  
The group of trainees looked fresh-faced, but not all of them were so young. It made Sazh feel slightly guilty to have a bunch of middle-aged people joining the program--as if to say, they were still giving life their all, what was Sazh doing with himself?  
  
Clearing his throat in agitation, Sazh addressed the team sternly. “Welcome to the pilot training program. Does anyone here have any experience flying airships, or being around airships in any capacity?” He had learned to ask that question.  
  
A couple of people raised their hands, some of them older. Sazh inquired further and they explained that they had flown airships back in the old world, some of them had even been in the service of the Guardian Corps.  
  
“Good, good,” Sazh responded. “All of that experience will come in handy. Now, the new model airships here...” He glanced over at Noel as he said this part. The young man was looking at him with an interested expression. “...are a little different than what you might remember. But don’t worry, we’re going to go over all the basics first before you get in the pilot’s seat. Another thing, there are going to be physical fitness tests and some academic tests on subject material covered in the course. Are all of you ready for that?”  
  
“Yes sir!” the team resounded. This was a lively group, much better than some in the past.  
  
“Then let’s get started.” Sazh ushered the team outside. He led them to a fitness center that stood next to the hanger. It was a place where people could practice their aerobics and test themselves on an obstacle course towards the back.  
  
“This is where you can train,” Sazh explained. “We will be testing all of you against that obstacle course towards the end of the program, so take some time to get familiar with it beforehand. Good luck, and if you need anything come find me.”  
  
That was all Sazh needed to give in terms of an introduction speech. The most essential part of the training was learning the airship controls and that didn’t come until the second week. So for now he could take it easy with them, take notes on how fit they were, get to know the team.  
  
Most of the team were milling about the aerobics equipment. One guy had started doing jumping jacks in the corner, a couple of people were standing around talking politely, some eager ones had climbed on the equipment to learn how it worked. Sazh’s eyes scanned the crowd for Noel. He was not with the rest of the team, where had that guy gotten off to?  
  
Finally Sazh spotted him, standing all the way at the far side of the training grounds. Noel was staring hard at the obstacle course, stretching his neck to see all of it, twisting his head back and forth to learn all the ins and outs.  
  
“Let’s see what he does,” Sazh muttered to himself, walking over towards the course to get a better look.  
  
Before Sazh even made it over, Noel had taken to the course at full speed. The kid was jumping and swerving, swinging his body off the high bars as if it were nothing, tumbling across the sand without getting so much as a scratch. Plenty of people had been seriously hurt on that course, but Noel made it look like it was for amateurs. Sazh had not been timing him, but Noel’s run couldn’t have lasted more than ten seconds--easily the highest record they had ever had.  
  
When he was finished, Noel shook his head free of any loose sand and walked calmly back to the rest of the group. A couple of people clapped in awe, others scowled and shook their heads, muttering “show off” as he passed.  
  
Noel was looking at Sazh and smiling as the captain approached him. Pulling a stunt like that on the first day was pure grandstanding and Sazh had little patience for it.  
  
“Not really necessary, you know?” Sazh admonished, his arms crossed over his chest.  
  
“Well, you said to get familiar with it,” Noel replied. The kid even had mouth on him to boot! “Don’t worry, I’ll be back on it again to beat my time. Don’t want to get too soft.”  
  
Noel kept walking passed Sazh, not even bothering to stop when their paths met. Now Sazh was left having to follow after the guy if he wanted to talk and that infuriated him. Who the hell did this kid think he was?  
  
Unable to let it go, Sazh hurried after Noel, forgetting about his aching body for a second. “I guess I have to ask where you learned to move like that. Not that I really care, but it’s important to know everything about a person who comes through the program.” Sazh hoped that his comment came off as being suspicious.  
  
Noel talked without turning around to face Sazh. “In this world, I’m just a guy who works hard.” Now he turned around and gave the captain a tight smirk. “But in the old world I was known as a hunter.”  
  
“A hunter.” Sazh was completely unimpressed. “And what exactly does that mean?”  
  
Noel faced him fully now, his smirk faltering a little. “You know, a hunter. A guy who hunts monsters for sport and to help people who happen to be terrorized by them.”  
  
“Ah. Well. Too bad there’s no need for any monster hunters here. Just pilot trainees.” Sazh was starting to feel vindictive and loving every second of it.  
  
Noel frowned. Alas, that smile had its limits! “Yeah it really is too bad. Because then I could show you what it’s like to fight with everything you have, with nothing but a sword and your bare hands to protect you. That’s way beyond anything your pitiful obstacle course had to offer.”  
  
Sazh rolled his eyes. “Save it, kid. There’s no monsters here, not anymore. You know it as well as I do. And even if there were, you wouldn’t be a guy I would go to for protection.”  
  
“Why not?” Noel asked, putting on an expression that showed he was honestly offended there. “You’d rather rely on guns to protect you?”  
  
“Haven’t failed me yet!” called Sazh, turning now to walk away. “Just get your head in the game, son. No one’s looking for an expert anything, least of all an expert show-off. Come back tomorrow ready to learn.”  
  
With that, Sazh walked away from Noel, leaving his back for the kid to glare at.  
  
“I’m always ready!” Noel called after him.  
  
Sazh kept on walking, shaking his head at Noel’s persistence. Well, if nothing else, his impressions had been correct and Noel was going to be annoying to deal with in the program. It was like the kid had something to prove, but what? Sazh had no idea what Noel’s motivations were, but he hoped they would die down as the weeks went on.  
  
That night, Sazh sat in his apartment rereading the letter from his son. For the first time, he wondered if Dajh had changed at all as well, if his personality or character was any different now for some reason. Sazh knew it was part of growing up, but he dreaded the thought all the same.  
  
Out of habit, the captain reached for his bottle of whiskey. Just as he was about to pour out a glass for himself, Sazh remembered Noel’s cocky grin and stopped. No. If he was going to face that kid again tomorrow he would have to be on his best, couldn’t waste his energy on drinking.  
  
So Sazh put away the bottle and went straight to bed. The day had worn him down, so for once he slept through the night.  
  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
The next morning Sazh woke up early, (his usual time, in truth), and arrived at work with a little extra time to spare. A lot of his crew came into work early so he greeted them, grimacing internally at their surprised expressions to see him there at just past eight thirty in the morning.  
  
Teig was busy writing out a report on one of the airships up for inspection. When he saw Sazh he did a double take and called out a cheerful good morning.  
  
“Good morning! Glad to see you, sir.”  
  
“Just a regular day, Teig, nothing special about it,” Sazh replied tersely.  
  
“Indeed. So, what do you think of this new batch of recruits? I have to say I’m impressed with a lot of them, especially that one guy you know. Kreiss.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. He’s great. The whole team is great, Teig. I have high hopes for this group.” Sazh wanted to downplay Noel, but in truth he was impressed all around and wasn’t ashamed to admit it.  
  
“Definitely! Oh by the way, he’s already out there.”  
  
“What?” Sazh asked, processing the information with a sinking feeling in his stomach.  
  
“Kreiss, he’s out on the training grounds.” Teig looked completely unconcerned and had gone back to his report already.  
  
“Since when?” Sazh asked incredulously.  
  
“Don’t know. He’s been there since before I got here this morning and that was a few hours ago.”  
  
Damn, why did everyone have to show up so early? Especially Noel! Here he was again, trying to prove something that Sazh couldn’t figure out.  
  
It took a lot of personal control not to march directly out to the fitness center and confront Noel then and there. At least he wanted to see what that kid was up to so early. But no, why should Sazh rearrange his schedule for Noel? It was unbecoming of a captain, he told himself, and instead Sazh walked with purpose directly to his office.  
  
After about five minutes of rummaging pointlessly through papers, Sazh figured he might as well just go out there and see what was going on. Noel was a problem, for sure, but that problem was not going to go away any time soon so he might as well try to get used to it. Maybe he'd even get to know the kid a little to see where he was coming from.  
  
So Sazh headed out to the training grounds. Before he arrived, he could hear the sounds of Noel panting and running up and down. Sure enough, the kid was just getting off the obstacle course again when Sazh showed up.  
  
At first, the captain was a little taken aback. Noel had already broken out in a distinct sweat, clearly working hard all morning, and he had taken off his shirt. So there he stood, hands on his knees, breathing heavily in just his khaki uniform pants. Suddenly Sazh felt like he was intruding, what with Noel naked to the waist and slightly vulnerable with exhaustion.  
  
Noel looked up at him. Of all things, he wore a smile on his face. “Seven point eight seconds,” Noel panted. “That’s got to be a record.” Then the kid stood up straight and stretched languidly, pulling in one last deep breath to calm himself.  
  
Sazh sighed. It was obvious what a great body Noel had, his pale skin gleaming with sweat against well toned abs and muscles. And seven point eight seconds? Was the kid even human?  
  
“That’s...well. That’s impressive, Noel.” What else could Sazh say? It was the truth.  
  
“Yeah,” Noel replied, shrugging suddenly and looking away. A few seconds passed and then the young man distinctly said, “Thank you.”  
  
“You’re welcome,” Sazh answered. Noel moved over and sat on one of the benches along the side of the grounds. Sazh followed him.  
  
Now that yesterday had passed, Sazh felt a little bad about the way he had laid into Noel for showing off. It was clear that some of his words had hurt Noel in some way, surprisingly sensitive as the kid was. He wished he could take some of it back, but there was no hope there obviously. So he wanted to come up with a different way to make up for his words.  
  
“Listen...” Sazh began, scratching the back of his neck. “...I don’t want you to go getting the idea that you’re not welcome here or anything...”  
  
“No, no,” Noel said, glancing up at him briefly and then staring off into the distance. “No, I don’t feel that way. I was...out of line yesterday. I’m sorry for that.”  
  
Sazh could tell that it took a lot out of this kid to apologize. “I appreciate that,” Sazh told him honestly. “And don’t worry about it. Actually, we’re all happy to have someone like you in the program. Let’s face it, you’ve already beaten our obstacle course record. Twice.”  
  
Noel chuckled. That arrogant smile was back on his face. He stood up and stared at Sazh directly like he had when they met the day before.  
  
“You know, I never got the chance to ask you,” Noel started to say. He swiveled again in that strange way he had. “What have you been up to since the old world ended? How’s life treating an old airship pilot?”  
  
“Hey watch it there, kid,” Sazh said, a tired smile forming on his face. “I’m not as old as I look.” He sighed. That was not really the truth, but so what. “Well, you know how it is. This world is great and all, but there’s not much for people like us to do. We were so used to fighting and scraping by...now everything just kind of happens. What does that say about us, I guess?” He wanted the comment to be kind of funny, but it really just sounded sad.  
  
Noel laughed anyway, much to Sazh’s appreciation. “Yeah, it’s true. Things have gotten a little boring nowadays, I’ll admit.”  
  
Silence fell between them. It was awkward standing there like that, with Noel’s hands on his bared waist. A small bead of sweat had trailed down Noel’s neck and was now traveling steadfastly down his chest and abs...Sazh couldn’t think of a reason why he was staring at it other than that he had nothing better to do and he could not remember ever seeing someone as attractively in shape as Noel. The kid’s body was just the right size, really, Sazh reasoned. Noel was not bulky but he was very lean, clearly spending a lot of time on his appearance, which was good for a young man to do...  
  
Ok, well, his thoughts had gone there of their own accord. Sazh scratched the back of his neck again and looked away pointedly. His face felt hot all of a sudden. He had no desire to look back over at Noel for fear that his gaze would be drawn to that toned chest again.  
  
“So!” Sazh said, shifting his feet and turning away. Time to go. “I’ll see you later on today for the start of the training course. Hope you brought your A game...”  
  
What a lame thing to say, but Sazh had befuddled himself and now just wanted to be back in his office alone to clear his head.  
  
“You know I always do!” Noel said, stretching his arms up high. Sazh glanced back over at him and immediately regretted it. Noel was ruffling his hair now, shaking it free from his sweaty neck. It was the self-assured move of a practiced athlete, and even though it aggravated Sazh to think of how cocky Noel was, he had to admit there was something pleasing about him all the same...  
  
“Right. Well, see you then.” Sazh began to walk away.  
  
“Hey, Katzroy!” Noel called as he was leaving. “Glad to see you show up to work on time for once.”  
  
That arrogant little bastard. The comment hit Sazh hard, but he found himself smiling broadly. Deep down, and he could admit this, Sazh really appreciated the ribbing. It felt normal for once.  
  
He scurried back to his office, the smile settling on his features for longer than he realized.  
  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
The first few days of the training program went by surprisingly fast. Each day left Sazh feeling more and more thankful that he finally had a team willing to actually work. Everyone on the team got excellent grades on the studying portion of the course, and all of them worked especially hard on the training grounds (whether they actually cared about physical fitness or whether they were trying to keep up with Noel, Sazh couldn’t tell, but it hardly mattered). The entire staff of the hanger had begun to take notice of the promising talent there.  
  
Noel had stood out from the beginning, but there were plenty of other team members who gave him quite a run for his money from time to time. Sazh always smiled in admiration whenever he saw Noel get into an amicable scuffle with one of his teammates over something. The kid was spunky, no doubt about that, but everyone liked him. Even...well, even Sazh liked him. He had to admit that at some point.  
  
Towards the end of the first week, Noel came to training one day accompanied by a young girl. She was fairly short with grey hair that fell all the way down her back. She wore a bright plaid sundress and carried a bag that was way too large for her small frame.  
  
Sazh caught sight of Noel and the girl from where he was standing by the airship inspection area. The two of them had walked in the front of the hanger and Sazh could hardly miss the sight of that girl. So odd she looked, yet so familiar...  
  
So, stepping up his pace a little, Sazh went over to greet them. He was unusually curious, but he told himself that was just because he wanted to place the face, and perhaps learn something new about Noel who had become a increasing interest of his as the days went by.  
  
“Hey, Noel!” Sazh called. Noel and the girl were bent towards each other, exchanging words in what could have been a serious conversation. Sazh found that he wanted to interrupt.  
  
Noel’s head whipped back to face Sazh. “Morning, captain,” the young man said in greeting. A little too formal, but that seemed to have something to do with the girl he was with, because she was looking at Sazh like he had eight heads.  
  
Sazh met her uncomfortable gaze. He recognized her eyes in a flash. “Oh, I know you! Are you Yeul?”  
  
Yeul kept staring at Sazh seriously for a few more silent moments. Then suddenly her face broke out into a huge grin and she said, “I am!” with all the brightness of one her age.  
  
That smile came too late, thought Sazh. What was the deal with this girl?  
  
“Oh, right, I forgot that you guys probably met at some point,” Noel explained, a strangely uncomfortable air about him. “But anyway, yes, Sazh this is Yeul, a friend of mine from way back. And Yeul this is Sazh Katzroy, the captain of my training program. And legendary hero and all that crap.”  
  
Sazh laughed at the sly comment, but Yeul did not. “Pleased to meet you again, Mr. Katzroy,” she said politely.  
  
“Just Sazh is fine, miss. Do you want me to find someone to give you a tour of the hanger?” Sazh offered, but he hoped she would say no.  
  
“No, that’s alright,” Yeul said, waving her small hand politely. “I don’t want to bother anyone here. It looks like quite the operation.”  
  
“It is that,” Sazh said, unsure where this conversation was going.  
  
One moment of awkward silence passed before Yeul said, “Well, then, I better be going. See you later, Noel. Nice to meet you again, Mr. Katzroy!” With that, she turned on her heels and walked slowly away from the hanger, an out of place sight in her youngish dress.  
  
“Just Sazh...” the captain said after her, almost sure she could not hear him and would not care even if she could. He glanced at Noel who was looking away with a frown on his face.  
  
“You alright, Kreiss?” Sazh asked, completely at a loss for what the situation was between him and Yeul.  
  
Noel looked up as if startled. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Ready for another day of training!”  
  
Without another word, Noel walked off towards the locker room to change into his pilot uniform. Sazh could tell there was something off, but really it was none of his business so he decided to let it drop for now. Besides, today was the day he was gong to unveil the airship simulator to Noel and the rest of the team. The simulator was a kind of realistic computer game with controls that modeled exactly what the trainees would find in the cockpit of a real airship. Normally, Sazh saved the simulator training for the beginning of the second week, but this group was so promising that he decided to do it a day early. He wanted it to be a nice surprise for them, a show of his strong opinion about their performance.  
  
When Sazh opened the door to the simulator, showing the inside of the room to the recruits, the bulk of them oohed and ahhed in response. Sazh explained his reasons for showing them the simulator a day early and they were all appreciative, clapping him on the back in thanks and admiration.  
  
Except for Noel, who just stood there with a deep frown etched in his features. Sazh wanted to shake him for a moment as if to wake him (“hello, this is everything you wanted from the beginning!”) but he refrained. Maybe Noel needed time for the realization to sink in. And he would perk up once Sazh started explaining all the controls.  
  
“So, the first and most important rule of the simulator is this: Be gentle with her. She’s been around a while now and she’s not as young as she used to be. Like, uh, some other things around here.” Sazh had gotten into the habit of poking fun at himself from time to time. It made the recruits laugh, especially Noel. But not this time, for some reason. The team chuckled in mirth, but Noel just stood there staring. Sazh frowned himself now in response.  
  
“Anyway,” the captain continued. “The simulator’s name is BRNHLDR, you can call her Hilde if you like.” No one knew the reference but it made Sazh happy anyway. “The basic controls are this...”  
  
So Sazh showed them the basics of how to fly. The controls were laid out underneath a wide screen that showed a simulation of the sky and some clouds. The movie on the screen responded to the controls so that the trainees could get a sense of how they were flying without actually being in the air.  
  
“First one up! Let’s see what you can do.” The first recruit went over and sat in the imitation pilot seat. He admitted to being nervous, but Sazh guided him (even moving the man’s hands one time) for a smooth take off. The simulation only lasted about ten minutes and the guy’s performance was great.  
  
They went down the line, Sazh showing the recruits one at a time how to take off and land an airship using the appropriate controls. Each recruit had a beaming smile on their face when they were finished, feeling like they had actually accomplished something with Sazh to guide them. It made the old captain feel proud.  
  
Next to last was Noel. The young man sat eagerly in the chair, but his blue eyes were clouded over by something that Sazh could not place.  
  
“Are you ready for this, Noel?” Sazh asked him quietly once he had taken a seat. The rest of the team was watching and Sazh could not help but have a bad feeling about how this was going to play out.  
  
“Of course,” Noel responded tightly. He looked directly at Sazh. “I’m ready.” His voice sounded confident, but it was clearly forced. Highly unusual for Noel.  
  
“Alright,” Sazh said uneasily. He had no choice but to allow him to do this. At least there was no real danger. “So, then, you’ve seen how it works. Try to take her out gently.”  
  
Noel put his hands on the controls. Sazh was almost certain he saw a slight tremor in the young man’s hands, but that must have been a trick of his imagination. And anyway, Noel was off to fairly easy start. The simulated engine roared, the lights flashed indicating that they were ready for take off. Why was Sazh holding his breath?  
  
For the first few seconds of Noel’s take off, everything was fine. Then suddenly a red light flickered and the screen showed Noel’s ship veer to the right.  
  
“Your hand touched the starboard controls. Adjust for it.” Sazh ordered sharply. Noel’s hands scuttled back where they belonged but the ship’s position did not move.  
  
Alright, he would have to intervene, Sazh thought. He put his hands on top of Noel’s, not failing to notice how incredibly soft the kid’s hands were, why did he have such creamy skin if he worked out so much? Made no sense...  
  
Sazh shook the thought from his head and focused on guiding Noel back to the right spot. His torso pressed tightly against Noel’s back in the cramped space. The close proximity felt tense with Noel where it had not at all with the other recruits. Sazh could feel his heart began to beat faster, his own hands were beginning to sweat. He could feel Noel’s breath against his cheek, could even smell the kid’s unique body wash scent...  
  
Sazh trained his eyes on the screen and hoped that Noel wouldn’t notice anything strange. “You good now?” he asked, once the ship had stabilized.  
  
“I’m fine.” Anger rang clear in Noel’s voice.  
  
The captain stepped back, surprised at Noel’s unexpected reaction. The kid was mad...at him? Or at whom? Hard to say.  
  
Either way, the team kept their eyes on the screen of Noel’s simulation run. Again, for a little while the ship ran fine. It seemed to glide smoothly in a way that Sazh felt vaguely impressed by. But then once more the red light flashed, this time screeching out an ominous alarm, and Noel’s ship lurched to the right.  
  
“Your hand’s on the starboard control again---”  
  
Noel tried to fix the problem by overcompensating with the left. That made the ship begin to weave dangerously back and forth, unable to maintain the appropriate air pressure. Sure enough, Noel’s airship began to lose height in the simulation.  
  
“Pull up!” Sazh ordered. He wanted to grab the control from Noel’s hand, but the kid had started to pull randomly on a variety of controls, combinations that did not make sense.  
  
“Stop! Stop!” Sazh cried as the screen began to flicker. “Remember the first rule--”  
  
“Damn!” Noel grunted, slamming his hands down on the controls as his screen cut out. “It doesn’t make any sense!”  
  
Fury rose within Sazh. The rest of the team gasped. The screen was completely black and Noel was still attempting to fly something.  
  
“Get out!” Sazh yelled in a voice he hardly ever used. “Get the hell out of here!” He pushed Noel aside, hoping to jar him from the pilot’s seat.  
  
Noel stood up of his own accord and ran from the simulation room with an aggravated yell. The team made way for him as he left, and Teig and some of the other staff poked their heads in to see what the commotion was. They watched Noel’s back as the young man stalked off to the training grounds.  
  
Meanwhile, Sazh was running his hands desperately along the bulk of Hilde’s mainframe. He prayed that the machine was not broken, that was the last thing he needed and he would be absolutely furious if it happened. Sazh touched the restart buttons along the side of the mainframe. Nothing. He leaned his body against the full-sized computer tower, hoping that his weight would jolt the system back to life. Sure enough, the screen cut back on with only a slight flicker.  
  
Sazh let out a sigh of relief. At least Noel had not broken his poor Hilde. There on the screen, written in red letters as if in spite, were the words “Simulation Attempt Failure” indicating that Noel had failed his run. Sazh perked up a little to see that his simulator was running normally.  
  
The captain stared at the trail Noel had blazed through the hanger on his way out. He passed a hand over his face, rubbing the muscles in his cheeks tiredly. Oh, sure, now whose responsibility was it to chase after the kid and try to salvage his broken piloting dreams? Sazh guessed that wonderful task rested with him. He sighed and walked out to find Noel.  
  
The first place to check was obviously the training grounds. Noel always went for a work out when he needed to cool off. So Sazh scanned the grounds for Noel’s distinct shape, but found nothing.  
  
“Where’d you go, kid?” Sazh muttered. He considered the possibility that Noel had simply run off, possibly with no intention to return.  
  
Then he saw the outline of Noel’s wavy brown hair and lean body in the distance, passed the training grounds, in the small clearing the stood next to the hanger. The clearing was littered with trees, a nice bit of nature to balance the mechanical environment of the airship base.  
  
Noel stood next to one of the trees, beating the hell out of it with his fists. For a second, Sazh was honestly worried about the tree’s well-being, leaves had begun to scatter around Noel as he moved, but then he realized that it was clearly Noel getting hurt. The kid was using his full force to punch, and the bark hardly yielded to his blows. No doubt the kid’s knuckles were bloody by now.  
  
“Kreiss!” Sazh called. He was legitimately angry with Noel. The kid had no right to go blowing his top in the simulator like that. How could he ever hope to a pilot if he lost his cool that easily? It frustrated Sazh because he was honestly very disappointed.  
  
“What the hell happened in there?” Sazh's voice came out as a growl. He stood near to where Noel was dealing out punches.   
  
“I failed, that’s what happened!” Noel replied, tossing the comment over his back without fully turning around.  
  
“Yeah, I noticed. That’s not what I mean. I’m asking what the hell happened to you in there! You completely lost your cool. I don’t expect that kind of thing from my trainees, least of all you!” Sazh did not feel like he was being too harsh, but Noel seemed to flinch against the admonishment.  
  
“Well, sorry to have disappointed you.” Noel stopped punching for a moment and dropped his arms. His body fell into a sitting position on the ground, legs folded. Sazh caught a glimpse of Noel’s hands as the young man wiped his brow. Sure enough the kid had done some damage to his knuckles.  
  
“What’s with the attitude all of a sudden?” Sazh snapped. “I’m here because I want to find out what’s going on. Tell me, what is it?” The captain was surprised how desperate he felt to know the truth.  
  
Noel looked up at Sazh from where he sat. His blue eyes were still so clouded, an expression of true hurt evident on his face. Sazh felt a pang deep within him, a curious longing to brush that look off of Noel’s face with a gentle swipe of his hand...  
  
“I...” Noel started, turning his head away. “I got scared, alright!”  
  
“Scared of what?” Sazh bellowed, waving his arms in confusion (partly in the confusion he felt towards himself for the things he wanted to do for Noel). “It’s just a simulation! What are you going to do once you face the real thing?”  
  
“No...it’s not that.” Noel shook his head, his shaggy hair jostling around distractingly. “I’m not scared of the simulation, Sazh, or even of flying. I’m scared...” The young man sighed. “I’m scared of failing.”  
  
“Failing? What do you mean?” Even though he had some idea, Sazh felt like he needed to ask the question to get it out of Noel.  
  
“I’m a failure, Sazh. That’s the big truth about me, ok? I couldn’t cut it as a guardian, I couldn’t protect Serah, I couldn’t even be there for the one person who counted on me the most!”  
  
“You...talking about Yeul now?” Sazh asked. He had an intuition about this, even though he did not know the situation at all.  
  
Noel nodded. “Yeah. Caius told me to protect her before he...left.” Yeah, Sazh vaguely remembered something like that. “But Yeul doesn’t need my protection. She doesn’t need anything from me, it turns out.”  
  
At first Sazh did not know what to say to that. “So...that girl. Yeul. Is she your girlfriend or what?”  
  
Noel scoffed. “No. She’s not.”  
  
Sazh raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. He felt he might have crossed a line. “Meant no offense...”  
  
“No, none taken,” Noel assured him, his chin sagging down to his chest. “Yeul and I are just friends.”  
  
“Okay.” Sazh left that alone. He was happy to leave the whole situation alone, honestly, but he felt like it was the core of Noel’s problem.  
  
After some seconds passed in silence, Noel started explaining. “We tried it once. Being together, I mean. A while back, we tried it. But it...didn’t work. Yeul is her own person and she made it very clear to me that she's better off staying that way.”  
  
“So she shut you out, it sounds like,” Sazh offered, trying to understand.  
  
“Yeah, basically.” Noel pressed a hand to his forehead.  
  
“That doesn’t make you a failure, kid,” Sazh said encouragingly. “It just didn’t work out between you. Sounds like you guys aren’t meant to be together. You don’t suit each other. I’ll say this, I could tell that much from when I met her today.”  
  
“Really?” Noel asked, his gaze boring into Sazh suddenly.  
  
“Yeah,” the captain replied, slightly uncomfortable. “And it’s no big deal. These kinds of things happen all the time. Sometimes people just...need to leave each other alone, you know?”  
  
Noel looked away finally. He nodded. “Yeah, I think I know. It just...seemed so much more important than that.”  
  
Sazh chuckled. “It always does.” He let out a long sigh, diffusing some of the tension from the whole situation. “Besides, why are you even worried about that kind of stuff right now? You’re a young, single guy! Plenty of ladies out there for you to meet!”  
  
Sazh did not know why but he felt an annoying jolt of pain in his chest when he said that. He had meant the words to be encouraging, it was what he himself would have wanted to hear, but somehow...that’s not what he wanted for Noel. Selfishly.  
  
The young man beside him let out a dry laugh. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “But really, I don’t know.” There it was, that cocky smile was back. Sazh wanted to roll his eyes almost as much as he wanted to laugh in relief. “You’re right, there are plenty of girls out there, but I think maybe I like being alone. You know, a lonely hunter.” With that, Noel scrambled to his feet and inhaled deeply.  
  
“A lonely hunter?” Sazh asked incredulously. He bellowed out a deep laugh, finding that comment truly hysterical. He cut himself off after a bit, feeling slightly bad that maybe he had offended Noel by laughing, which he had not meant to do.  
  
But Noel was looking back at him with an easy-going smile on his face. “Something funny about that?”  
  
“Oh no, nothing,” Sazh replied. Their eyes met for a moment as Sazh wiped away some tears that sprang up during his bout of laughter. When was the last time he had laughed like that? He couldn’t remember for the life of him.  
  
After a moment, Sazh realized that he and Noel had been staring at each other for quite some time. He expected the awkwardness to creep in, but it did not. Instead, Sazh felt like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to be standing there, staring deeply into Noel’s eyes for almost no reason. They had a connection for a second that neither of them could talk about, but that they both felt with real intensity.  
  
Noel’s smile widened into a grin. “Thanks, Sazh,” he said finally. He stuck out his hand, surprising the captain at first. “Thanks for coming to find me. And for talking to me. And for...well, for everything.”  
  
Sazh took Noel’s hand in his own and shook it. He squeezed as hard as he dared, realizing that the kid’s knuckles were still sorely bruised.  
  
“Any time, Noel, any time.”  
  
Suddenly, Sazh felt Noel pulling him in closer. The kid wrapped an arm around Sazh’s shoulders, trapping him in an unexpected hug. Sazh did not want to shatter the moment, so he patted his hand against Noel’s shoulder reciprocally. He also could not deny how good it felt being so close to Noel again...the same way he had felt in the simulator. The seconds ticked by and Sazh realized that their hug was slowly creeping into inappropriate territory--what pilot trainer embraced his, much younger, trainee for so long? But Noel showed no signs of letting go and Sazh honestly did not want to be the first one to pull away. For all he cared, they could stay like that for a little while longer. Just a little bit, anyway.  
  
Then, Sazh felt the unmistakable sensation of Noel pressing his face into Sazh’s neck. Right there, in the middle of the clearing. The warmth of Noel’s face felt way too intimate against Sazh’s sensitive skin, but he relished the sensation all the same. When he felt plush lips press against him--definitely lips, for sure, it was a kiss--Sazh could not hold back a small moan.  
  
The next second, Noel pulled back. Sazh slumped forward with the loss of contact, realizing that he had been pressed so close to Noel he was actually leaning on him, embarrassingly. Noel was looking at him knowingly.  
  
“So am I still welcome in the program?” Noel asked, shocking Sazh out of the feelings that had welled up inside of him.  
  
“Uh...” Sazh forced himself to swallow. He shifted his stance slightly to shield Noel’s eyes from the growing hardness in his jeans. “Yeah, sure. Of course you are. I mean, you totally flunked the flight simulation, but that’s not the worst thing in the world. I’ll tell you what I tell everyone who fails the first time: Try again.”  
  
Noel smiled again, this time an honest smile. “Perfect. That I can do.” Then the kid was running back towards the hanger, presumably to try the simulation one more time.  
  
Sazh sighed once he was gone. He put a hand to his crotch, completely shocked at how obvious his reaction to Noel was. When was the last time he had ever been....this hard?  
  
He really needed to be more careful around this kid. He could not tell if Noel was tempting him, playing some kind of game, or just in sore need of someone he could talk to, but Sazh felt like he was losing control of himself a little bit. And that was a very bad thing.  
  
After adjusting himself in his jeans, effectively fighting down the surge of arousal to a small distraction, Sazh headed back to the hanger. He would show Noel how to fly again and this time the kid would do great.  
  
The captain shook his head. Another day full of surprises, it seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to all the Noel/Yeul shippers out there! I just never saw that pairing working out after the end of the games. Something about them just doesn't add up. Besides, it's clear where this story is headed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sazh is trying to be careful, but there is a lot more than he thinks between him and Noel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the question on everyone's mind: When did I abandon reason for madness? The answer: Right about here.
> 
> Warning: Explicit sex coming up in this chapter, had to change the rating.

“Flight crew, move out!” Sazh called.  
  
The team of trainees saluted and walked out of the classroom. Sazh had been in this classroom so many times in his life. Outside whizzed a multitude of old world airships making the rounds as part of the air-force patrol.  
  
Noel stayed behind even though the rest of the team had already left.  
  
“Recruit,” Sazh said sternly. He was wearing a captain’s uniform, the same that his own captain had worn back in the day. “I want you on the field in ten.”  
  
“Here?” Noel asked, that ever-present cocky smile looking foolhardy in the pristine military environment.  
  
Kreiss pointed to a corner of the classroom shielded from the view of the windows. “Is this where you want me?”  
  
Before Sazh could answer, Noel moved into the space and began to undress, never losing that self-assured grin even as he stripped down to nothing. He got down to one knee, a hand draped casually over the inside of his thigh...  
  
Sazh awoke with a start. The darkness of his bedroom greeted his frantic eyes. The old pilot was sweating, panting. A dream, obviously. But it had felt so unfortunately real. Every time he blinked, he saw visions of Noel on the floor of Sazh’s old military training classroom...  
  
Damn. Sazh sighed. This kid had gotten to him. He struggled out of bed to go to the kitchen and splash some cold water on his face, pointedly ignoring the rigid ache between his legs.  
  
He had dreamt of Noel every night since that day in the clearing. Throughout the daylight hours, Sazh fought to forget what had happened, what it felt like to be pressed up against Noel like that...it was better to just move on, ignore the inappropriateness of it all before things got of hand. Sazh had no desire to pursue Noel in that way, at least he told himself he did not because it made no sense to think that anything would happen between them. They were far apart in age and in character. Noel was arrogant, impulsive, eager to a fault, and very charming...Sazh was practical, pessimistic, and very set in his ways. He preferred to leave well enough alone.  
  
A relationship with Noel, even just a casual one, was an entanglement he could not get involved with. He was too old, finished with all of that by a long shot, Sazh told himself.  
  
And yet at night, visions of Noel pervaded every single one of his dreams. The first one had just been a regular old sex dream, Sazh running his hands over every inch of a lithe, toned body...when he discovered it was Noel, the pilot had awoken in horror. That bright, blue-eyed face was unmistakable and seeing it shining clearly at him from his subconscious shook him to his core.  
  
From there, the dreams had gained character and style. There was the one where Noel cornered Sazh just as he was about to leave the locker room, forcing their bodies together as he had done in the clearing. This time the young man did not hold back from kissing him properly. And rather throughly.  
  
Then there was the dream where Noel had shown up at Sazh’s apartment completely naked. When Sazh opened the door in disbelief, the young man merely saluted and declared, “Reporting for training, sir!” Sazh had not been able to hold back from relieving himself of the tension left over from that vision after he awoke.  
  
Usually, Sazh did not touch himself after having one of these dreams. He wanted to leave whatever happened in them locked safely away in his thoughts. Acting on them meant admitting that he wanted Noel, wanted him very much, too much to ignore. Furthermore, Sazh was not generally in the habit of getting himself off, a trait that had lingered in him ever since fatherhood wore him down to the barest minimum of a sexual being.  
  
Even so, this thing with Noel stirred up all the needs in Sazh that he had left unaddressed for many years. He felt the same as he had when he was a young man, waking up promptly every morning to a hard cock begging for attention. It left Sazh feeling perplexed--he had not dealt with this kind of desire for a while. Beyond that, it hurt his pride a little that Noel of all people had been the one to start him up again after so long. And yet, there it was. Sazh could try to suppress the truth, to tone down the persistent need, but he could not ignore the fact that it existed. He was no fool, after all.  
  
In the kitchen of his apartment, Sazh pulled out a clean glass and filled it with water. He gulped it down as if he were dying of thirst. Feeling the cold water slosh down his throat helped calm some of the desire within him.  
  
He sighed as he put the empty glass in the sink. Was this how it was going to be from now on? These dreams were getting downright outlandish. His old military base, really?  
  
“You son of a bitch...” Sazh grumbled, not sure who his anger was directed at.  
  
A glance at his watch told him it was time for work in a few hours. Sazh would not risk going to sleep again and falling prey to his dreams. Might as well head to work extremely early, even though doing that went sorely against his grain.  
  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
  
“Alright, today’s the best day we’re ever going to get,” Sazh spoke into his radio. “Let’s take this slowly now, easy does it.” He clicked off his radio for a moment to orient himself.  
  
Today, the end of the second week, was the day that the team of trainees flew rounds together. They had all passed the first few flight runs with flying colors, some of them more natural than even Sazh himself had been at the time of his first flight. Each trainee had gotten comfortable enough in the pilot’s seat of an airship that they were all now ready to practice flying as a team. This was the most important part of air-force training, but since the program was no military operation, the coordinated flight run was really just a way to practice honing the trainees’ skills in the air.  
  
Sazh sat in his most preferred airship (in his mind, he called her the Chocolina) guiding her out slowly. He wanted to lead the team to smooth start. Clicking on his radio, Sazh beckoned the rest of his team to move out.  
  
“Follow the old man’s lead!” Comfortably in the air, happy to be above the clouds, Sazh weaved into a graceful figure eight. He was showing off some of his own skill and trying to encourage the team to do the same.  
  
Not needing to be told twice, five airships zoomed out behind him, each one spiraling off in a different pattern. It was honestly impressive how each of the trainee’s had perfected a unique way of flying. Sazh could tell each pilot by their flight pattern and he was proud.  
  
“Alright now, don’t get too cocky! Time for the old switcheroo. Let’s move into formation alpha.”  
  
The six airships slotted together one after the other, forming a simple diamond shape in the air.  
  
“Smooth as silk,” Sazh crooned into his radio. He felt his adrenaline starting to pump again, feeling the wonderful high of being in control of an airship. Just like old times. “Move it into formation beta!’  
  
The airships glided into place, this time showing off a bow-tie pattern, Sazh in the middle holding his team together.  
  
“Easier than it looks!” One of the trainees called out across the airwaves. A round of conversation ensued.  
  
“Good work, everyone!” Noel answered, his familiar voice coming through the speaker.  
  
“Okay, okay, don’t clog up the airways!” Sazh admonished, in good spirit. They continued to run through the rounds, each formation more complicated than the next.  
  
The last round was formation gamma, a tricky pattern that called for three out of six airships to turn belly-up midair while the rest flew underneath them as a safety net. Each pilot had a turn flying upside down and the idea was that they would swap positions easily once each ship stabilized.  
  
The round started off without a hitch, each pilot filing into their predesigned spot as planned. Sazh felt his heart racing by this point, caught up in the excitement of the moment. He coiled his airship into a barrel roll, part of the sequence, when from the side of his windshield he saw the airship on the far end of the formation fall out of place. It was airship number five, Noel’s ship.  
  
“Kreiss!” Sazh yelled into his radio. “Where you going? Stay in formation!”  
  
He felt panic as he watched Noel’s ship bank to the side, losing height. There was no answer from his ship’s radio.  
  
“Get back in control! Pull up, Kreiss!” Now Sazh was fully screaming into his radio. The whole team could hear him but they said nothing in response, keeping the formation tight as per protocol.  
  
Still no answer from Noel and by now his ship had fallen out of view below the clouds. Sazh felt himself break out into a cold sweat, breaking away from the formation himself to go after Noel’s fallen airship, yelling whatever he could into the radio.  
  
“I’ve lost your visual! Respond! Noel! Noel!” Sazh’s heart was in his throat. Had Noel gone and...?  
  
Just as Sazh was about to plunge downward in hopes of catching Noel, he watched in disbelief as the kid’s airship pulled up gracefully alongside him, hovering easily above the clouds in full recovery.  
  
Sazh let out all his breath in relief, head falling back against the headrest. His heart was still racing, but Noel’s ship was so close he could see into the cockpit. There sat Kreiss, smiling and waving at him with his headset on as if nothing had happened.  
  
“Sorry about that!” came the response from Noel finally. “Touched the port controls by accident. Fixed it, though. No problem!”  
  
A few replies came out on the airwaves from the rest of the relieved trainees. Sazh listened and took several deep breaths to calm himself. Damn kid had really scared him that time...  
  
When he felt his voice would be under control, Sazh wiped his brow and spoke into his radio again. “I think that’s about enough coordination training for today. Let’s head back to base.” The word “base” had slipped out there. Technically it was just a plain old airship hanger, not a military base, but Sazh had gotten a fair share of flashbacks in his panic and forgotten.  
  
The team flew safely back, Sazh trailing behind them to bring up the rear. He kept a close eye on Noel’s airship the whole way back.  
  
Once everyone had landed and the airships were parked in their regular spots in the hanger, the team met up on the ground. They walked towards each other with thumbs up and applause, feeling overall successful for the day’s run.  
  
Sazh, on the other hand, was still recovering. Sure the team had done a hell of a job overall, but he normally did not like to feel in danger of losing one of his team, even if it was only for a moment.  
  
“Too easy!” Noel said to Sazh once he caught up to rest of the team. He had that same arrogant look on his face and he swiveled once for good measure.  
  
Sazh looked at him and sighed. “Too easy for you? We almost lost you up there, kid.” Without thinking, he put his hand on Noel’s shoulder and squeezed, needing to feel the realness of the young man’s body in reassurance.  
  
Noel kept smiling and covered Sazh’s hand with his own. He was looking deeply into Sazh’s eyes with a familiar knowing look. Sazh found himself unable to look away. He just kept squeezing the kid’s shoulder.  
  
A few more seconds passed than were absolutely necessary. Someone cleared their throat and Sazh pulled away from Noel as if burned. Right, the rest of the team was still standing there. They had all seen that somewhat intimate spectacle.  
  
Striding away from Noel as fast as he could, Sazh moved to the front of the team to awkwardly make some closing announcements. “Okay! Not our best run, definitely not our last. Next time let’s keep it tight, people! I’ll see you all bright and early on Monday for the last week of the training course.”  
  
After a few claps and whoops, the trainees filed out in the direction of the locker rooms. Sazh headed towards his office, longing for some time alone in his familiar chair.  
  
When he got back to the dilapidated airship, there was a pile of mail for him at the door. It was not unusual for him to get mail the office, he used the space like a second home. Settling into his chair at last, Sazh took some time to flip through the letters for anything of interest. When he caught sight of Dajh’s familiar handwriting, Sazh bolted upright in excitement and anticipation.  
  
Finally, another letter from Dajh! This time his son had waited a little too long, six weeks since the last one. Too much time in between for his old man’s taste. Tearing the letter open carefully but eagerly, Sazh read the whole thing with a picture of Dajh in his head:  
  
 _Hey, Dad! Long time no talk. Sorry it’s been a while, things have been kind of crazy here. I’ve been to two different factories in two different countries since we last spoke. Sounds crazy, I know. Take a look at the picture I put in the envelope, it’s me with the latest model vehicle we designed._  
  
Sazh held the picture in his hand as if it were a precious metal. There was his son, bright-eyed and handsome, standing next to some impressive looking machine. He would have to ask Dajh for the specs when he saw him next.  
  
The rest of the letter was fairly short, much to Sazh’s disappointment. Dajh spoke only of the weather near him and that he had made a lot of new friends and colleagues. Had there been any doubt?  
  
The last line jumped out at the old pilot:  
  
 _So, here’s the exciting news! The last model we made was such a success that the leader of our program decided to give everyone two weeks paid leave. So, it looks like I’ll get to head home for a little bit! Won’t stay long, two days at the most._  
  
Sazh smiled and closed his eyes. His son was being responsible, heading home for his paid leave dutifully. The thought made Sazh feel as though a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He would finally get to see Dajh for himself after almost a year with just letters back and forth. Good riddance, just in time for Sazh to give him an earful for being too flippant about keeping in touch!  
  
 _Can’t say when I’ll be heading in. Won’t be able to call beforehand because the trains by you run out of schedule a lot of the time. So, look for me in the next few days, a week at the most._  
  
 _Love you, Dad. See you soon!_  
  
When he was finished, Sazh reread the whole letter to himself again, double checking for any details. But no, Dajh had been brief as ever. He guessed his son would show up when he would, no way to pin that kid down to a time.  
  
Sazh sighed and put the letter down. No point in writing a response, Dajh was probably already on the road. All he could do was wait.  
  
He rested his elbows on the office desk and ran his hands throw the thick afro he always kept. Within a few minutes the old pilot was lost in thought.  
  
A knock to his office door startled him out of whatever reverie he had fallen into. A quick glance outside showed him that it was already dark out. How long had he been sitting there?  
  
“Uh, come in...” Sazh said unsteadily, not sure who would come knocking at this hour.  
  
Of course he should have known it would be Noel. Still, when that lean frame walked into his office Sazh could not help but be a little startled. Noel had not come by since the first day, he looked almost out of place. Not to mention the fact that he had changed out of his pilot’s uniform and now wore a dark blue fitted sweater with black jeans. The clothes clung tastefully to every part of Noel’s outline, making his body stand out like a perfected piece of artwork among the drab clutter of Sazh’s office.  
  
For a moment Sazh just stared at him, unable to manage a greeting while he was so preoccupied taking in the sight. But Noel walked right in anyway with a smile.  
  
“Saw your light on as I was leaving,” he said. “What’s keeping you here so late?”  
  
Recognizing the question, Sazh looked away finally. He hoped he had been at least somewhat discreet about where he was looking...but probably there was no hope of that. So, bashfully, Sazh tried to come up with a normal reason for having spent his evening alone in the office.  
  
“Got a letter from my son,” the pilot said vaguely. “I read it over and then...just got lost in thought, I guess.” And, why exactly had he settled with the truth? He was supposed to come up with something normal. “Also, I had some work to catch up on.” There we go.  
  
Noel eyed him curiously, clearly unsure what to believe. “Um, okay,” the man began. “Well, you know the team went out for drinks a little while ago. You want to come along?” Noel raised one arm at the elbow to accentuate the question.  
  
The pilot shook his head. “Nah, I’m alright, thanks,” he said. Honestly he was grateful to have been invited, but there was no way he would go out with the team on such short notice.  
  
“You sure? We’d all like to see you out, you don’t have to stay too long.” Noel paused while Sazh shook his head and waved his hand in dismissal. “And, well...” the young man swiveled again, as if unsure of himself. “Maybe one of us owes you a drink for being an idiot today and scaring the hell out of you during the flight.”  
  
At that, Sazh smiled. For a second, Noel actually looked embarrassed. “Don’t worry about it, kid,” the old captain replied. “Everybody gets one. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again. I don’t want to be the one to call your family if things get out of hand.”  
  
Noel raised his hands in defeat. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.”  
  
Sazh nodded, in a better mood now suddenly. He stood up from his chair and stretched, feeling one too many bones pop back into place. He needed to remember to stretch more at this age, unfortunately...  
  
“Hey, don’t break anything, old man,” Noel said teasingly.  
  
Sazh’s head whipped around to face him. “Hey! Watch it!” The captain smiled despite himself and stood up a little taller. “Damn. You’ve got a mouth on you, you know that?”  
  
“Heh, yeah,” Noel answered, running a hand across the back of his head. “So, you headed home?”  
  
“Yep. About time.” Sazh gathered his things and got ready to leave. He wasn’t looking at Noel, but he noticed that the young man had not moved or made to leave himself yet.  
  
“So, where do you live?”  
  
Sazh frowned at the question. “Down the street pretty much. Old apartment building, been there a while. Why do you ask?”  
  
Noel scratched his head and gave another confident smile. “Well, I could at least walk you home. The rest of the team was headed out to a bar around there anyway, so it sounds like your place is on the way.”  
  
That seemed reasonable enough to Sazh. Besides, he could not deny that having Noel walk with him would be...nice. He suddenly felt that it would be pleasant to have some company instead of curmudgeonly walking home alone as he normally did.  
  
Sazh tried keep his smile to a smirk. “That eager to keep an old man company, are you?”  
  
“Yeah, I must be crazy...” Noel answered, a distinct shimmer in his eyes. Sazh was sure that look meant something. It sent shivers down his spine. But he would not go there.  
  
“Well, then, let’s head out.” So Sazh led the way and the two of them walked away from the hanger in the direction towards his apartment. There were not many sights on the way, mostly trees and a long stretch of road, some houses scattered in between. Dajh called this neighborhood rural and Sazh had a hard time arguing with him about it. Sure, it was quiet. But that was the beauty of this new world. What was so appealing about a lot of people crammed together like on Cocoon?  
  
The night air settled in coolly around Sazh and Noel as they walked. Sazh made sure to leave a good amount of space between their swinging arms--no intention of dealing with any awkwardness there. He just wanted to have a nice evening walk with a friend. Nothing wrong with that.  
  
Noel broke the silence after a while. “You said you got a letter from your son? How’s he doing?”  
  
It had been a long time since Sazh had gotten a chance to talk about Dajh. He jumped at the chance and told the whole story of where Dajh was, what he was doing, the kinds of things that he normally wrote about in his letters. He talked up the fact that Dajh was one of the best engineers on his team and that he was doing humanitarian and environmentalist work at the same time. Noel listened well and asked good questions, nodding and interjecting at the appropriate times.  
  
Before he knew it, they were at the entrance to Sazh’s building. He lived on the third floor, but now would be the time where he would say good-bye to Noel and let the guy run off to have fun.  
  
“Ah well, that kid’s alright, you know?” Sazh said, wrapping up the conversation about Dajh.  
  
“Yeah, it sounds like he knows what he’s doing,” Noel answered.  
  
Suddenly the atmosphere got awkward as the two of them stood at the entrance. “Sorry I talked your ear off the whole time,” Sazh tried, rubbing the back of his neck. He did feel a little bad. “You probably know more than you wanted to about Dajh.”  
  
“No, it’s no problem!” Noel assured him. “I don’t mind at all. It was an interesting story, and it sounds like he’s really important to you.”  
  
“Yeah.” Sazh did not know why but that comment made his chest feel like it was crumbling, like Noel had blown him wide open just by caring a small bit about what he felt. Especially because it seemed so genuine coming from Noel.  
  
“Well, I guess I should catch up with everyone else...” Noel started to say. He did not seem excited about it though, in fact he seemed almost disappointed.  
  
Sazh knew he should end it there, say goodbye to him and let it go. But then...that feeling in his chest was lingering and he could not ignore it. He suddenly wanted anything other than for Noel to leave. Perhaps if he left, Sazh would crumble altogether...  
  
“Want to come in for a drink first?” The words were out of the captain’s mouth before he could stop them. “I could fix you something quick.”  
  
Noel brightened immediately. “Sure.” His answer was casual, but that cocky permanent smile was back and it was almost like a statement in itself.  
  
So Sazh let them both in and they climbed the stairs to his apartment. As he turned on the lights to his place, suddenly Sazh felt a pang of panic, realizing that he had not cleaned in several months, had not even so much as taken stock of the place to know if it was presentable or not--  
  
Once the lights were on it did not matter. The truth was out in the open: This was Sazh’s bachelor pad.  
  
“Sorry about the mess...” Sazh started to say, picking clothes up from the couch hurriedly so that at least there was a place for Noel to sit down.  
  
“No worries,” Noel replied. “My place wouldn’t look much better if Yeul wasn’t around to keep everything clean.”  
  
Sazh froze, a pile of clothes hanging precariously in his arms. “You guys...live together?”  
  
“Yeah.” Noel scratched his head again. “Uh, for now. Yeul...wants her own place.”  
  
Sazh nodded, realizing how tense the situation must be between those two if they had to live together on top of everything. Once he had put away some of the extraneous clothes, he focused on finding a clean glass to give to Noel, which meant he had to wash two glasses from the sink first.    
  
“So, what are you drinking?” Sazh asked, wiping a glass dry and trying to look casual. It felt very strange to have another presence in the place again, especially Noel’s presence which was so unique.  
  
“Well, what do you have?” Noel asked back.  
  
“Oh, lots of things. Whiskey, bourbon, gin, vodka if you like, though I haven’t touched that stuff in years, myself...” He realized that he might come off sounding like a drunk so he stopped.  
  
But Noel just laughed and said, “I knew you were the type of guy who does his drinking at home.”  
  
Sazh frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“Nothing,” Noel answered with a shrug. “Just that there’s different types of people in the world, and you’re the type of guy who likes to drink alone. Oh and I’ll have whatever you’re having.”  
  
“Oh yeah?” Sazh poured them both a short glass of whiskey, liberal with the ice. “So what type are you, Noel? Do you like to drink alone or with other people?” He handed Noel the glass and pulled up a chair to sit across from him in the small space he called a living room.  
  
Noel thanked him and took a sip thoughtfully. The kid grimaced slightly as he swallowed, probably not used to drinking whiskey straight. Sazh found that appealing. He could not explain why.  
  
“Well,” Noel began. “I don't know, really. I like being around other people, but sometimes I feel like I make a lot of mistakes with the things I say...or do. Especially when I’m drinking. So sometimes it’s better if I’m alone, I guess.”  
  
“Hmm,” Sazh replied. He took a big gulp of his drink and hoped it would wash away some of the vulnerability he had felt earlier. It didn’t. He moved on, asking, “What do you mean by mistakes?”  
  
“You know, like...mistakes. Not saying the right thing, not acting the right way. I didn’t grow up with a lot of people around so...sometimes I mess up with that stuff.” Noel frowned and stared into his drink.  
  
“How did you grow up?” Sazh found himself very curious. He had never asked Noel about any of this before.  
  
Noel took another sip, grimacing again. “It was a different time. Not sure what we’d call it now, but back in the old world it was the distant future.” And so Noel told Sazh the story of how he had been the last person to be born in his time, even the last person alive before Lightning saved him and brought him to Valhalla.  
  
For the whole story Sazh stayed very quiet, listening tensely. He could not believe that Noel had been through something like...that. And what the hell could he even call that? A completely hopeless, sit down and wait for death scenario? A recipe for going insane? Yet, here was Noel, sitting on his couch sipping whiskey and talking about it all with a calmness about him.  
  
Still, the young man could not hide the pain on his face. “Sometimes it...feels like it happened to someone else, you know?”  
  
Sazh nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He knew the feeling quite well. Facing down Barthandelus, worrying about becoming a Cieth...had he been that man once? He remembered everything with crystal clarity, but sometimes it felt like a movie in his head. Except for when he remembered the pain, the feeling of absolute fear, frustration, helplessness in the face of gods. That was all real and he knew it.  
  
“I just remember how it felt,” Noel went on, as if reading the thoughts in Sazh’s mind. “Being there. Watching everyone I knew fade away...and then at the end, well...” Noel’s chin sagged down to his chest.  
  
“Hey, don’t worry about explaining,” Sazh said quickly. “I know exactly what you mean.”  
  
Noel looked up and met Sazh’s gaze. The pain on his face dissolved and he smiled, eyes flicking over Sazh’s face as if memorizing the sight. The old pilot found himself smiling back at him.  
  
The ice in Sazh’s glass clinked as it melted, breaking the silence. Sazh looked down and took another gulp from his drink. “Well, can’t say it’s been easy on any of us,” he said, trying to move the conversation forward without being too grim. “But at least it wasn’t all bad, not for me anyway. What about you, any good times in there?”  
  
“Sure,” Noel said easily. “I was a time traveller for a while. With Serah. Did you hear that story?”  
  
“Yeah, a little bit of it from Lightning and Serah. A journey through time and space, huh? Sounds interesting, at least.”  
  
“Yup, it was.” Noel’s mood seemed to be back to normal. “Not easy, like you said, but I remember what it was like moving from place to place, feeling like I had a purpose for once, being around a bunch of other people. I realized that’s the kind of life I want, one where I get to see everything and do everything, know what’s out there in life.”  
  
There at least Sazh could not say he felt the same. “Yeah, I can see that working for you, Noel,” he said slyly.  
  
Noel laughed. “Yeah, well, you know me.”  
  
Sazh guessed he did.  
  
“Actually, that’s the main reason I signed up for the program,” Noel continued. “I wanted a ship that could take me wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Even just working as a pilot for commercial flights I think is an amazing job.”  
  
“Well, good,” Sazh responded. “That’s what the program is there for.”  
  
“Yeah. What do you think of it?” Noel asked. “Being a pilot, I mean. You were one for a long time, right?”  
  
“That’s right,” Sazh said, not entirely comfortable talking about that part of his past. “It was different though, being in the military.”  
  
They talked back and forth like this for a while, Sazh explaining bits and pieces of his history. It took Sazh a long time to warm up to people and confide in them, but Noel had gotten down his defenses in record time. He felt that he could share almost anything with the kid and it would not be out of place.  
  
When there was a break in the conversation, Sazh sighed and thought about everything they had just said. His life had been long, that’s for damn sure, and so had Noel’s. But Noel had a future. He knew who he was and what he wanted. Unlike Sazh.  
  
Putting down his empty glass, Sazh leaned back in his chair. He took another look around his living room, ashamed suddenly that this was what he called his life. Without Dajh in the picture his life was just this little apartment and the hanger outside of it. Nothing more.  
  
Sazh closed his eyes. “Who am I, Noel?”  
  
“You? You’re Sazh Katzroy. An idiot, but mostly an okay guy.”  
  
The old pilot laughed a little at that, but he kept his eyes closed. He felt an unbelievable sense of hopelessness start to overwhelm him. Was this how Noel had felt...before the end...?  
  
Suddenly Sazh felt a soft hand on his cheek. He opened his eyes, startled, and found Noel standing in front of him with a concerned expression, stroking Sazh’s own face.  
  
“Noel...” Sazh tried to scramble to his feet, hoping to put some distance between the two of them, but Noel was so close that he had no room to stand. So instead he merely sat upright and locked eyes with the younger man in front of him, waiting to see what he would do.  
  
“You are an amazing person, Sazh,” Noel said, every word filled to the brim with sincerity. “And you have so much left of your life...you’re not giving up, are you?”  
  
Sazh snorted. “What’s left though? Really?”  
  
Noel looked shocked. “Everything you can think of.” He paused for a moment, as if thinking, then said, “This.”  
  
With that, Noel’s hand cupped Sazh’s chin and pulled him in for a kiss. Noel’s lips were soft and he kissed Sazh slowly, taking time for them both to relish every second, feel every slight movement between them now that they were connected by touch.  
  
When Noel’s lips parted his own to seek out his tongue, Sazh finally thought to pull away. He moved back, as much as it pained him. “Noel. Wait.”  
  
“What?” Noel asked, looking dazed, as if the kiss had left him dizzy.  
  
Sazh found that he had no words, so instead he grabbed Noel’s chin and forced the kid to look at him fully. “Look at me,” he commanded.  
  
Noel smiled, locking his eyes with Sazh’s in defiance. “I’m looking.” Then Noel put both of his hands on Sazh’s shoulders and settled his body downward, fixing himself right up against Sazh to sit comfortably in his lap.  
  
Unable to hold back, Sazh sighed at the feeling of Noel’s warm body pressed against his legs. All the dreams he had had bubbled up the surface of his memory--so this is what Noel’s hips felt like, he planted his hands on them and squeezed lightly, testing their pliancy. But Sazh tried to control himself as much as he could before things got out of hand...  
  
Noel’s hands ran up and down Sazh’s collarbone and chest. He felt along the sensitive skin of Sazh’s neck and laid kisses against his cheek and jawline. Sazh’s eyes threatened to close against the sensation, his lips trembling with the want to kiss Noel again. Before he knew what he was doing, Sazh moved his face so that their lips could meet, seeking out Noel of their own accord.  
  
The man in his arms breathed a soft moan when Sazh began to kiss him more forcefully. He had never been a gentle lover in his life, the old pilot realized, but the feeling of softly exploring each other’s bodies was so arousing...Noel must have been able to feel how hard Sazh had become just from this. His groin was pressed directly against Noel’s stomach.  
  
When their kiss turned into a hard bite to Noel’s bottom lip, the young man broke away suddenly with a groan and began quickly unbuttoning Sazh’s shirt. His movements were urgent and strangely determined.  
  
Sazh saw where this was headed. “Okay, we better stop this now, kid,” he said. He was reluctant but also a little panicked because his self-control was about to dissolve into thin air with the way Noel handled him.  
  
“Why?” Noel asked, ignoring the request and opening Sazh’s shirt to reveal the dark expanse of his chest. The young man ran his hand down Sazh’s bare skin, moving his head downward to lick a stripe along his sternum.  
  
Sazh’s cock twitched in response. He ran his hands up and down Noel’s back, feeling hard muscle and the bones in the kid’s spine.  
  
“Because...” the old pilot said weakly. “I don’t want to...force you into anything...”  
  
At that, Noel stopped and lifted his head. He stared directly at Sazh. “Do I look like you’re forcing me?”  
  
It was true, the desire was clearly mutual. Sazh had only to look downward, as he so wanted to do, and see the prominent bulge in Noel’s jeans to know how mutual it was. But still...  
  
“Here. I’ll make it easy for you.” Noel put his hands on either side of Sazh’s face. “I’ll say the words. I want this. I want you.”  
  
Noel kissed Sazh again and then nipped lightly at his earlobe. Sazh shivered in response to the unexpected switch. Noel looked back at him, searching his face for a response. Reaching behind himself, Noel took hold of one of Sazh’s hands and laced their fingers together. It was an intimate gesture and Sazh let his fingers stroke along Noel’s. Why did this, such a simple thing, turn him on like nothing else?  
  
“Any hesitations?” Noel asked.  
  
Sazh looked away from their entwined hands back to Noel. He smiled fully. “None at all.”  
  
“Good.” Waiting no longer, Noel pulled away Sazh’s shirt so that he sat naked to the waist. The captain wanted nothing more than to do the same for Noel, but before he could grab the bottom hem of his sweater, the young man slid off of his lap and kneeled down between Sazh’s legs.  
  
That sight, Noel kneeling on the floor running his hands up Sazh’s thighs...it was enough that Sazh had to close his eyes against the sudden throb of arousal, feeling lightheaded. He stroked along Noel’s face, overcome with a desire to feel every inch of the creamy skin he felt there.  
  
Noel made short work of Sazh’s belt, tossing it to the side and wasting no time undoing the zipper of his pants. It all seemed to happen in a rush, but then suddenly Sazh’s cock was out and in Noel’s hands. He felt those soft hands stroking hesitantly along his length, and Sazh unconsciously gripped Noel’s hair in response. His cock had been so starved for contact...perhaps Sazh had denied himself too much. Now every touch from Noel felt torturously good, causing him to bite his lip to keep control.  
  
When Noel leaned down to place a reverent kiss along his shaft, Sazh had to stop the young man momentarily by pulling back on his hair.  
  
“Are you...sure about this?” Sazh asked, almost incredulous that Noel would be so willing to do this.  
  
Noel smiled. “Oh yeah. Like I said, I’ve been around, a lot of places, a lot of different people. It’s not the first time I’ve been on my knees.” That comment, so flippant about the fact that Noel felt fairly comfortable giving head, it was...well, it was the kind of arrogance he had come to expect from the kid. Nothing else made sense, actually.  
  
So Noel moved down and took Sazh’s cock into his mouth. He tried to cover every inch of it with some contact, either from his mouth or his hands, but he struggled slightly considering that Sazh was fairly long--longer than average, for sure. Still, each sensation felt like pure heaven to Sazh. He could barely look at the sight of Noel taking him like that. If he looked for very much longer it would all be over in a second. In fact, Sazh found that he was already dangerously close to coming, regardless...  
  
Alright. He would have to take control of this situation if he wanted this to last. And he did. He wanted a lot more from Noel if they were going to go this far.  
  
“Stop.” Sazh gave the order and pulled Noel away from him, wincing at the loss of that beautiful, sweet mouth. Noel looked back at him curiously.  
  
“Stand up.” The tone in Sazh’s voice was firm, a commanding tone, one he used rarely and usually in his role as a captain.  
  
Noel swallowed forcefully and stood. Sazh jolted up beside him, removing the last of his own clothes. Naked now, he turned his attention to Noel, who was standing stock still as if waiting for another order. Sazh smiled. He stripped the young man in seconds, as efficiently as he would field strip a pistol. Overwhelmed, Noel stood naked, cock achingly hard and twitching against his stomach.  
  
“Come here.” Sazh grabbed Noel by the shoulder and pulled him into the bedroom--thankfully not far. He was being very forceful with Noel, and he realized that, but he knew he did not have a lot of time no matter what and he wanted to use it wisely.  
  
It also made his cock throb to order Noel around...but that was an added bonus.  
  
When they were near the bed, Sazh gestured over to it with his chin and said, “Over there. On your knees.”  
  
Noel raised his eyebrows in surprise, but his cock twitched eagerly.  
  
“Yes, sir,” Noel replied calmly. He walked over to the bed and kneeled on it, shifting himself so that he rested on all fours.  
  
When he was settled, Noel turned around to stare at Sazh over his shoulder. “Like this, sir?” he asked in that same calm, even tone.  
  
Sazh’s legs almost gave out from the severe pang of arousal he felt seeing that, Noel naked on all fours, asking for his approval. But he kept going. He moved behind Noel and ran his hand along that tender backside. “Open your legs more,” the captain said.  
  
Noel complied, shifting his knees farther apart on the bed.  
  
It was time. Having Noel naked and responsive to him like this was everything Sazh wanted in life at that moment.  
  
Barely with enough time to prep the young man with some hand lotion laying nearby, Sazh pushed into Noel and gave him everything he had. For his part, Noel moaned and pushed his hips backwards in response, showing just how much he had wanted this and how good it felt to him.  
  
The entire world, everything he had done or ever would do narrowed down to Sazh’s single point of contact with Noel. He felt an intense surge of joy filter through him, a strong desire to live so that he could experience this glorious moment, something he had not felt in years.  
  
Close to the edge, Sazh wrapped a hand around Noel’s cock, loving every moan that escaped the young man in ecstasy.  
  
Sazh leaned down so that he could speak directly into Noel’s ear, “You want me to make you come?”  
  
“Yes, please, do it!” Noel cried.  
  
So Sazh rode him hard and stroked him until Noel came in his hand, screaming in pleasure. Sazh followed quickly, collapsing against Noel’s back and burying his face into the man’s shoulder.  
  
They laid in a tangled heap on the bed, not noticing how many minutes passed. Sazh’s hand searched for Noel’s, grasping it firmly and lacing their fingers together again in reassurance. Noel’s face was turned away from him and Sazh wanted to know if he was alright. Weakly, but with increasing strength, Noel squeezed Sazh’s hand in response.  
  
After a while, Noel sat up. Sazh, feeling slightly delirious, stared up at the young man. He distinctly saw Noel wiping away some tears with the back of his hand.  
  
“Thank you,” Noel said, looking down at Sazh with a smile. “I...really needed that.”  
  
Sazh grinned back at him, recognizing and accepting the feeling within him as love. In truth, he had no words for how much he needed that.  
  
Putting a hand against Noel’s shoulder, Sazh guided Noel to lay back down against him. “Where you going? Come back here.”  
  
Noel curled up against Sazh’s chest, allowing himself to be comfortably wrapped in the older man’s arms for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had WAY too much fun putting their lines from the games into the flight scene. I guess this is where I'm at in life now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is much more left on the road ahead. For Sazh and Noel both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last part of the story! But seriously, I think I could write about these two forever....
> 
> I've been wanting to do this morning after scene for SO LONG. There needs to be more "morning after" in erotic fiction, don't you think?

The next morning arrived at a leisurely pace. Sazh found he had no regrets. None at all in fact, which surprised him considering how long he had fought his feelings. But no, there was no way to deny how much he had enjoyed sex with Noel, and beyond that, how amazing it was to spend the night next to him.  
  
Noel did not wake or stir throughout the night. He hardly moved at all, actually. The young man stayed pleasantly curled up against Sazh as if the warmth from Sazh’s body was something Noel had craved for a long time. Sazh loved every second of it. He tried not to stare at him for too long, because he did not want to be the kind of person who watched someone while they slept, but it was hard to turn away. Noel looked content and so beautiful like that...the night could have gone on forever as far as Sazh was concerned.  
  
Eventually, when the sun was already high in the sky, Noel began to twist and turn. As he got up, rubbing his eyes with his palm blearily, Sazh pretended to be just waking up as well, not wanting to appear as if he had been staring (which he had been, of course).    
  
Noel regarded Sazh for a second and sat up quickly. “What time is it?” he asked, scratching the back of his head self-consciously.  
  
Sazh faked a yawn and sat up as well. “Don’t know.” In truth it was about ten o’clock.  
  
Looking away from him, Noel peered out the window as if he could tell by the sun. “Seems late...” he said.  
  
Sazh could feel an uncomfortable vibe coming from the kid. Noel was still naked and the older man wanted nothing more than to run his hands all over that bare body, just as he had the night before, but he had a feeling it was not the right moment for that.  
  
Noel scratched his head again and frowned, glancing around the floor as if trying to figure out where he had left all his clothes. Sazh smirked, remembering well how he had gotten the young man out of them...  
  
Finally, Noel turned around and faced the old pilot fully. He forced a smile. “Well, I guess you want me out of here...”  
  
Not at all, Sazh wanted to say, but that seemed too forward. So instead, Sazh stared back at him, fully at ease, trying to seem casual so that Noel would not feel so awkward. “Only if you want to go,” he replied.  
  
Noel sighed and looked down. “Sorry to have...well, sorry I slept so long.” It sounded like he wanted to apologize for something else.  
  
This time Sazh reached out and gently placed a hand on Noel’s shoulder. The kid practically flinched in response, but Sazh kept his hand there and stroked him with his thumb soothingly. “Don’t worry about it,” Sazh said. He bent forward and brought his face close to Noel’s cheek. “I don’t have anywhere to be.”  
  
With that, Sazh leaned down and laid kisses along Noel’s neck, feeling how tense the kid was. He wanted to kiss away whatever was bothering him, drag him back to bed if possible, explore all of him in the light of day.  
  
“It’s just that I...” Noel began, tilting his head so that Sazh had more access. The old pilot smiled as he felt Noel giving in, the pulse against his lips fluttering in pleasure. “Well...I...don’t usually...” But he broke off as Sazh sucked lightly at the skin near his ear. Noel gasped, then buried his face in his hands, embarrassed.  
  
“Well, whatever you’re about to say,” Sazh said between kisses. “I don’t usually bring people back to my place at all. Nonetheless wind up in bed with them. So these are unusual circumstances all around.”  
  
After admitting that, which Sazh hoped would put them on equal ground, the older man pulled Noel’s hands away to look at his face. The young man’s eyes were clouded, a faint look of pain on his face.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Sazh asked softly, truly concerned for a moment.  
  
“It’s just...I probably seemed like an idiot last night. Out of control, whatever.” Noel was looking down. “I’m...not usually like that, pushing myself onto other people and then...begging for it...” Noel’s face turned bright red. An actual blush! Sazh marveled at it. “So, sorry about that.”  
  
Sazh brought one of Noel’s hands to his lips. He kissed the backs of Noel’s fingers, hoping to erase all the anxiety Noel felt about himself.  
  
“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Sazh told him honestly. “Seeing you like that...that side of you...” Sazh closed his eyes and shook his head. He clicked his tongue as the memory washed over him. “...Damn.”  
  
When he said that last word, the only comment he could think of to accurately describe how he felt about what had happened, Sazh looked back at Noel to see a familiar arrogant smile start to form on the kid’s lips.  
  
“So...you don’t mind?” Noel asked, turning his head to one side curiously.  
  
“Absolutely not.” Sazh grabbed Noel’s face in his hands and kissed him on the lips, softly at first, not wanting to be too forceful. After a moment, Noel returned the kiss eagerly, sliding his hands up Sazh’s chest to rest on the older man’s shoulders.  
  
“Damn, kid, you...” Sazh said, pulling away for a moment. He wanted to find the right words to explain how thankful he was for what Noel had done, how much he appreciated that Noel had been the one to make the first move. He was grateful to Noel for listening to him, for understanding him. For wanting him. Yes, he was unbelievably grateful for that above all else.  
  
Sazh could not figure out how to explain that he had felt a piece of true happiness for the first time in a long while. And how that piece had burrowed into his chest so that now Sazh could live with the feeling again, even though he thought he had lost it forever.  
  
So, instead of explaining, Sazh shook his head and pushed Noel onto his back. He kissed every inch of the man he could reach, loving each pleasured sound Noel made in response. The old pilot took note of the feel of every spot on Noel’s body as well as how loudly Noel reacted to attention in certain places. He hoped to rely on this catalogue of information in the future. Because yes, Sazh decided, there would be many future times of this, at least.  
  
As Sazh spread Noel’s legs, settling between them to prepare the young man for another round, he looked down at the wonderful sight Noel made. The kid was totally vulnerable, but he looked relaxed finally, as if being there beneath Sazh filled a particular need in him. Noel wrapped his legs around Sazh’s back and ran his hands along the older man’s chest. He never quite lost that cocky smile, but his eyes looked strangely desperate.  
  
“Don’t hold anything back, alright?” Sazh gave the order with a smile on his face, adding quietly, “Not from me.”  
  
Noel looked back at him. He nodded resolutely. “I won’t,” he whispered.  
  
And so, Sazh took him like that. He realized it was much more intimate this way, being face to face with Noel instead of riding him from behind, but that was not at all a problem. Sazh silently offered up a prayer to whatever gods were out there these days (were there even any left? Suddenly Sazh had a feeling there must be) in thanks that he was able to experience this. Noel’s face gave away everything he was feeling, every slight sensation, and Sazh kissed him greedily as he fucked him.  
  
Noel came first again, Sazh squeezing his cock possessively the entire time. Seeing Noel lose himself in his climax forced Sazh to come as well and it was not long before they lay in a tangled, panting heap.  
  
If this was how it was going to be from now on then Sazh had no complaints. Even after a night and a morning together, he found that he did not want Noel to leave. The thought of it made his stomach lurch with anxiety and annoyance. He would try to keep the kid there as long as possible...  
  
“Well,” Noel said between breaths. “If we keep going like this, I’ll never leave.”  
  
The young man stretched out beneath him, suddenly the very picture of nonchalance. It seemed Noel was settling back into his usual self-confidence and Sazh was very happy to see that.  
  
The old pilot chuckled. “Sometimes you read my mind, you know that?”  
  
So, they passed the day like that. It was one of the best Sazh could ever remember.  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
  
The weekend was over before Sazh knew it. Then it was time for the last week of the training course. His unexpected relationship with Noel aside, Sazh was actually very sorry to see the recruits go. This had been his favorite group yet, no question, and Sazh had honestly enjoyed working with all of them. But, like any teacher or mentor, the sadness of the goodbye was tinged with proud excitement for the things his trainees would do. He was sure they would accomplish a lot in their careers as pilots.  
  
The last week of the course was customarily spent on rigorous testing, making sure the pilots passed each of the mandated licensing exams. But, this group finished their testing in a few days. By midweek, they were all fully licensed pilots.  
  
“We should have dinner together!” One of the recruits suggested. “A celebration or something now that we’re all pilots.” She turned her head as she proposed the idea, suddenly unsure if that sounded foolish.  
  
Sazh nodded, much to the surprise of all the other recruits. “I think it’s a great idea,” he said, smiling back at the team.  
  
They all clapped and agreed to do it by the end of the week.  
  
Meanwhile, Noel had taken to spending the afterwork hours at Sazh’s place. The old pilot could hardly say he minded. After only a few days, the two of them had settled into a routine. They met up at Sazh’s office once the day ended and then they walked back to Sazh’s apartment together, talking about the day’s events.  
  
Once, Noel grasped Sazh’s hand as they walked, slipping his hand in Sazh’s casually without stopping the conversation. Sazh’s face felt hot and he thought about pulling away, because it was ridiculous for two grown men to be holding hands like that walking down the street, they were not some lovey-dovey kids, after all...but he kept their hands together in the end. It felt comforting for Noel to hold onto him, like a promise of things to come later that night, but there was even more to it than that. It was a sign that Noel was more than happy to be there with Sazh, walking down the lonely, quiet road to his apartment. Like Sazh’s company was all he needed to be content. That was a very pleasant thought to the older man.  
  
So he let them walk like a pair of idiots, immensely grateful that no one was around to see them.  
  
Eventually Noel brought up the subject of cleaning Sazh’s apartment. He was very easy-going about it, suddenly deciding it was the most natural thing to start picking up the discarded dirty clothes laying around Sazh’s living room and bedroom.  
  
When Sazh asked Noel what he was doing, he simply replied, “Well now that I’m spending a lot of time here, I can’t let myself become a burden to you. Some of this stuff is mine too so I have to help you straighten this place up a little bit.”  
  
Sazh wanted to stop him and insist that Noel really did not have to do that, but by then Noel had already gotten started. It was hard to stop that kid once he got going with something. Besides, it was true, the apartment should really be presentable now that he had someone coming over on a regular basis.  
  
So, what started as putting away clothes in the proper hamper turned into a thorough cleaning of the entire apartment piece by piece. Noel began sweeping and vacuuming, Sazh was moved to actually wash the dishes, it even got to the point that they wiped the dust off of Sazh’s shabby-looking furniture.  
  
When they were done, Noel sighed contentedly. “Well, it’s not sparkling, but it’ll do. What do you think, Sazh?”  
  
Truthfully the apartment had not looked this good in years, not even when Dajh was living there did he bother to keep it this clean. “It looks great,” Sazh replied. “Much better than I could ever do.”  
  
He meant the words to be a quiet admission of the positive effect Noel had on his life, as close as he had come to saying that so far in their brief relationship. Noel smiled broadly, his blue eyes shimmering for a moment.  
  
Days passed and eventually the week was almost finished. On the night before the last day, Noel and Sazh were spending their usual evening together. Sazh was washing dishes after the dinner they had eaten, Noel straightening up the rest of the kitchen.  
  
“Hey, you had enough?” Noel asked Sazh, knowing how much the older man hated cleaning after a meal. “I don’t mind finishing up.”  
  
Sazh grunted in response. Sure, he was irritated by doing the dishes, but he did not feel comfortable letting Noel--a guest in his home, after all--take over. It just was not right. So, he would struggle through it and ignore Noel’s good natured offer. He scrubbed a little harder than necessary on a dirty plate.  
  
“No? Fine.” Noel came up behind Sazh and placed his hands on the older man’s hips. “Doesn’t mean I can’t make it a little more interesting for you...” Noel nuzzled Sazh’s ear slyly, letting his warm breath slide over Sazh’s sensitive skin.  
  
A small spread over Sazh’s lips. He enjoyed the attention from Noel, and he moved a little more quickly to get the chore done so he could properly return the favor.  
  
Suddenly, shocking both of them out of the tender moment, there was a knock at the front door. Noel stopped kissing Sazh’s neck for a moment and they both looked curiously back at the door, wondering who would be there at this time of night.  
  
“Let me see who it is,” Sazh said. He wiped his hands on a towel and walked across the living room.  
  
An idea hit Sazh like lightning. Could it be...? He sprinted the last few steps to the door, opening it wildly to see if he was right.  
  
Sure enough, there stood Dajh, waiting politely on the other side of the threshold. His son, whose face he would recognize anywhere, staring back at him calmly, like no time at all had passed!  
  
“Hey, Dad,” Dajh said, casually but warmly. “Long time no see.”  
  
Sazh was speechless for a moment. He sputtered and took in the full sight of his son. Dajh had shaved his afro down to a tailored buzz cut that suited his features rather well. He was taller than Sazh remembered, thinner perhaps, too. But those eyes...Dajh’s bright, eager eyes, the same he had had since he was a child, they remained exactly the same.  
  
Tears pricked Sazh’s eyes and he pulled Dajh in for a wordless hug. Feeling his son in his arms again felt like letting go of a breath he had been holding for far too long. Sazh breathed in deeply and held onto Dajh perhaps a little too tightly.  
  
“Alright, alright,” Dajh said, squirming and trying to get out of his father’s grip. “It’s good to see you too, Dad...”  
  
Right. Dajh was not a child anymore. He was a young man with pride, and Sazh would respect that. So, the older man composed himself and let go.  
  
“Look at you,” Sazh said, sniffing quietly and pretending that he had not gotten choked up. “Coming in here like it’s every day you see your old man!”  
  
Dajh laughed a little and walked inside. His familiar eyes swept the apartment, taking in every detail as they usually did. Sazh watched his son intently the whole time, still reeling from the sight of him again after so many months apart.  
  
“Whoa, hey,” his son began to say, clearly in awe of what he found. “This place looks great! I was expecting this to be your new bachelor pad, Dad, but it’s like you---oh, hello.”  
  
Sazh watched Dajh’s eyes stop moving as they fell on something across the room. Sazh followed his gaze and found Noel standing there, wearing an uncertain version of his usual arrogant smile.  
  
“Hey...” Noel said, waving one hand and putting the other on his hip. He swiveled slightly, as he was wont to do. “You must be Dajh.”  
  
Dajh stared back at Noel, frowning slightly as if trying to remember something. “That’s right...” he said. Suddenly his face relaxed into a surprised smile. “Oh, I remember you now! Your name is Noel, am I right?”  
  
Sazh smirked proudly. His kid had a great memory. Dajh had not seen Noel since he was a child, back at the beginning of this new world. But besides that, Sazh did not know how else to introduce Noel or explain his presence there in the apartment of all places...  
  
“Yep, that’s me! Good memory.” Noel smiled brightly back at Dajh. “You’ve gotten a lot taller since I last saw you!”  
  
Dajh grinned and spread his arms in a matter-of-fact way. “Yeah, no getting around it.”  
  
Alright, now that the pleasantries had been exchanged, Dajh would be looking for a reason for Noel to be there. Just as Dajh opened his mouth to ask the question, Sazh intervened.  
  
“Well, come in, now! Properly, I mean.” He ushered his son through the living room and took a worn backpack off of Dajh’s shoulders. “Is this all you brought?” the older man asked incredulously.  
  
“Yeah, I travel light.” Dajh said that, but the backpack was anything but light. Sazh heaved the bag onto a chair, wondering about whatever valuables might be in there.  
  
“Sit down, sit down,” Sazh encouraged, patting his son the elbow. As he moved, he took note of Dajh’s height to weight ratio, trying to measure out how much meat the kid had on him...was he eating right out there? But he did not want to ask any of these questions just yet, so instead he asked, “What can I get you to drink? You must be thirsty after coming all the way here.”  
  
“I’m fine, Dad,” Dajh replied, sitting down on the couch. “You don’t have to get me anything right now. I probably interrupted you in the middle of something...?”  
  
There was a question at the end of that sentence and Dajh glanced back at Noel for a second, clearly still trying to figure out what the situation was.  
  
Of course Dajh had interrupted something, and Sazh thought back to it nervously. Drastic change in plans for the evening. He hurried over to the sink and fixed Dajh a cold glass of water despite what his son had said. Noel remained standing awkwardly between rooms, choosing not to sit down with Dajh.  
  
“Nonsense, you need to stay hydrated,” Sazh reinforced, handing Dajh the glass and purposefully not meeting anyone’s gaze.  
  
“Now, tell me all the details you left out in your letters.” Sazh gave Dajh a stern face. “Oh yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice how little you put in those things. What’s the idea, you want to leave your old man in the dark?”  
  
Dajh chuckled, seeming at ease under his father’s well meaning reprimand. “Well, you know how it is.” He smiled fully now, a handsome smile that Sazh was sure got him a lot of attention out in the world. “Sometimes I don’t have time to put down all the small stuff. It’s really the big things that count, right?”  
  
Sazh had a lot to say about that, about how very, very wrong his son was in that regard, but Noel spoke up before he had a chance.  
  
“Well, I guess I should be going,” Noel said, calling two sets of eyes over to him. “I’ll let you two catch up.” Surprisingly, Noel had already gathered his things and was ready to head for the door. He waved one hand, looking at Dajh. “Nice seeing you again, Dajh! You look great.”  
  
“Thanks...” Dajh said, sounding grateful for the comment but unsure of the reason for it.  
  
Noel looked back over at Sazh. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said calmly.  
  
“Yeah.” Sazh wished he could think of more to say than that, but he was at a loss.  
  
Noel headed silently to the door, moving quickly in a way that Sazh knew meant he was agitated about something. So, without thinking, Sazh walked over to him and stood in his way of the door.  
  
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Sazh repeated. He locked eyes with Noel and put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. Normally he would not say goodbye to his new lover without a kiss, but there was no way he would show affection in front of his son. He would absolutely never allow that. So instead they just stood there, Sazh with his hand on Noel’s shoulder, squeezing it and hoping that was enough to explain all the things he had inside of him at the time.  
  
After an unusually long moment, Noel smiled. “Of course,” he said. He patted Sazh’s hand and slowly walked over to the door.  
  
“Good night, guys.” With a general wave of his hand, Noel left. He closed the door quietly behind him.  
  
Now Sazh and Dajh were alone. They listened to Noel’s retreating footsteps and then Dajh broke the silence by saying, “Look, Dad, I’m sorry if I came in at the wrong time--”  
  
“No, no,” Sazh said, hoping to seamlessly transition back to his conversation with Dajh. He waved his hand at the comment and sat down across from Dajh in the living room. “So tell me everything. And this time I mean everything.”  
  
Under Sazh’s careful scrutiny, Dajh explained everything his father wanted to know. He gave details about his trip over, about where he just been, the company he worked for, the vehicles they were making. Hours passed before Sazh even realized it.  
  
Finally, the conversation died down as Dajh noticeably stifled a yawn.  
  
“Are you tired?” Sazh asked. It dawned on him that of course Dajh was tired, he had travelled for days already.  
  
“Yeah, a little.” Dajh rubbed at his eyes with his fingers. When he was done, he looked over at his father as if seeing him fresh. “You know, Dad,” he said with a smile. “You should really ditch the ’fro. It’s so old fashioned now.”  
  
Sazh threw his hands up in exasperation. “Look at this, the kid comes all the way back home just to stick it to his poor father. This hair came in handy back in the day, you know that?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Dajh said, seeming very happy all of a sudden, but trying to hide it. “You keep saying. But I don’t know if I really believe that...”  
  
“What?!”  
  
“And besides, it’s a new era. You should keep up with the times.”  
  
Sazh began grumbling something about keeping up with the times, feeling superficially offended. After all, as much as he would argue about it, there was no denying that Sazh was not exactly someone who kept his appearance up to date. He had his routines about maintaing his hairstyle and that was hard to undo for someone like him...  
  
“So, Dad, are you and Noel...?” Dajh asked the question almost out of nowhere, catching Sazh off guard.  
  
He sat up straighter and met Dajh’s gaze. “What? Are we what?”    
  
Dajh stared back at his father. He seemed serious then suddenly reluctant. The young man sighed and put up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Nothing, nothing.”  
  
Sazh was relieved for a moment, then Dajh continued on. “Just that I’m glad you have someone in your life, Dad. I was afraid that with me gone, you would be...you know...”  
  
“What? That I would be what?” His voice was harsh, but Sazh looked down at his hands, knowing what his son would say.  
  
“Well, that you be here alone the whole time. Going insane or something. You know you get like that, sometimes, you’re a true loner, Dad...” Dajh’s face filled with worry and Sazh felt like his heart might break. “...I was always thinking about you, wondering how you were getting on here by yourself. Hoping that you had...you know...been taking care of yourself, not letting things get too bad...”  
  
The look on Dajh’s face showed that his words were true. Sazh felt proud of his son for being so considerate of his father, while at the same time his pride as an independent man hit rock bottom. Sure enough, Dajh had known that Sazh would do poorly by himself. It was a truth plain enough for even a young adult to see.  
  
“Sometimes your head is just in the wrong place, Dad,” Dajh said with conviction. “It makes me worry.”  
  
Again, another truth Sazh could not argue.  
  
“I mean, I came here thinking that there was a chance I would have to pick you up off the floor or something...”  
  
Sazh snorted in response, rubbing his shoulder self consciously.  
  
Dajh stared his father down again. “It’s true. I kind of expected that. But this, seeing how you are right now, well I’m so relieved, Dad! Really!” Dajh’s face broke out into another smile. “The apartment looks cleaner than ever, you look like you’ve been sleeping well, you’re not drunk...” Once more, Sazh’s pride twitched painfully. “You’re doing much better than I thought!”  
  
“Yeah, well..” Sazh tried to think of a way to defend himself. “Maybe I’m not as pathetic as you thought...”  
  
Dajh shrugged, apparently not giving that idea any credit, unfortunately. “And if that has anything to do with Noel, anything at all...” Dajh glanced away for a moment then continued with twice the conviction. “And I’m sure it does because there’s no way you were cleaning this place by yourself...then, I have to say that I’m glad. I’m guessing I owe Noel at least a handshake right now.”  
  
In spite of all the negative reflections Dajh had about his father, Sazh still found himself looking upon his son fondly. In that moment, he realized he had raised the kid well--quite well, in fact, for him to able to take in the situation and read it for what it was, as well as to be grateful to someone for helping out his father. Dajh was everything Sazh hoped he would be.  
  
“I think you do owe Noel a handshake,” Sazh said eventually, confirming all of Dajh’s suspicions. “But first, come here and give your old man a hug. That’s right, you’re not too old for that.”  
  
So father and son embraced again. This time it was a mutual embrace that echoed with relief on both sides for the knowledge that each one could survive without the other.  This was their first real test of being able to live independently of one another, and they had both passed. With...some thanks owed to Noel, perhaps.  
  
______________________________________________________________  
  
  
The next day, Sazh took Dajh on a tour of the airship hanger. Much to his son’s surprise, Dajh was already famous with the staff because of how much Sazh talked about him. Plus, almost everyone he ran into had a story to tell about Dajh when he was young and rambunctious, running around the newly built hanger like it was a playground. It was a day of reminiscing for everyone and Dajh handled it smoothly, laughing off all the jokes and stories, politely accepting any praise.  
  
A couple of times, Sazh could see Noel from afar, busy with the recruit team, signing off on all the exit papers and such for the last day. He felt hyperaware of where Noel was at all times, not sure how it would be to introduce his son to Noel this time when Dajh knew the truth. Fortunately, their paths never crossed.  
  
Under much duress, Dajh eventually agreed to go to the dinner the team had planned. It was a casual event, they went to the nearest restaurant and ordered a lot of drinks and food to celebrate. Still, everyone enjoyed themselves. Even Sazh had to admit it was a lot of fun to relax with everyone. He realized that these were people he could call his friends, not just his coworkers. It was bittersweet to be accepting that fact just as program was ending, but everyone promised to keep in touch. They took one group photo early on in the night for posterity’s sake.  
  
“Are you sure all of us passed, boss?” One recruit said after a story about a particular embarrassing testing session he had had.  
  
Sazh laughed, wrapping his hand around the drink he had been nursing all night. “I’m sure,” he said.  
  
His eyes slid over to where Noel was. His smile faltered for a second. Somehow, Noel and Dajh had managed to get into a conversation with each other--totally without Sazh’s knowledge--and now they were sitting together, leaning in so that they could talk over the noise of the restaurant. They looked...casual, Sazh had to say. Dajh was bright-eyed and smiling, nodding his head as Noel gestured excitedly with one hand.  
  
How had those two managed to hit it off? Sazh found that he did not care for the details, he was just glad to see it happen.  
  
“Actually, we wanted to test you on the obstacle course one more time,” Sazh began loudly, getting everyone’s attention. “But Noel demolished it on his last run so we had to forget that idea.”  
  
Hearing his name, Noel turned back towards the group, his eyes locking with Sazh’s. In that moment, Sazh gave Noel the warmest smile he could muster. He glanced over at Dajh and nodded curtly, a gesture of sincere thanks in Sazh’s language. Noel smiled back then laughed along with the joke as the people around nudged him and clapped him on the back.  
  
As the night wore on, people began leaving one by one. Eventually, Dajh turned towards his father and explained that he wanted to catch the next train out of town. It was not a surprise to Sazh, who had been expecting Dajh to stay no longer than a night, that was just the kid’s way. He agreed to walk his son to the train, his expression falling slightly but his comfortable smile never wavering.  
  
“Going to the train?” Noel asked after Sazh and Dajh had said their goodbyes. “I can walk with you.”  
  
Sazh wanted to laugh suddenly, remembering that was the same way Noel had round up in his bed the first time. What was that, the kid’s only move or something?  
  
“That would be great!” Dajh replied. Sazh nodded in agreement and they began the walk together.  
  
The train station was not far. Sazh grilled Dajh the whole way about where he was going, how to make sure he was safe on the trip, and why he needed to write more letters. It took a long time for the train to arrive, but Sazh barely noticed because of how many things he had left to impart upon Dajh before he left.  
  
As the train was nearing the station, Sazh felt a familiar sense of foreboding.  
  
“So, I guess this is the last time I see you for a while, huh?” The old man asked, holding onto Dajh’s shoulder.  
  
“Yeah, for a while,” Dajh replied, casually. “But I’ll be back in a few months probably. If we get some time off.”  
  
The train came nearer and Sazh almost felt like he would cry. He cleared his throat. “Well, don’t be a stranger now, you hear?”  
  
"Sure, whatever that means,” Dajh said, rolling his eyes dramatically and turning over to Noel. He held out his hand, pulling Noel in for a firm, sincere handshake. “Glad we got a chance to catch up, Noel.”  
  
“Me too. Good luck out there!” Noel shook Dajh’s hand just as firmly.  
  
“Thanks.” Dajh glanced back at Sazh then said, “Take care of my dad, okay?”  
  
Sazh’s heart skipped a beat, but Noel just raised a hand to his brow in a casual kind of salute. “Will do,” he answered.  
  
After the train left, carrying Dajh along with it, Sazh felt his heart sink steadily down to his stomach. Well, back to the usual anxiety of being away from his son, worrying about the kid. But somehow the feeling had lessened slightly, knowing that Dajh was capable of surviving in the world, having seen the proof of that for himself. Even so, the joyful mood of the evening had subsided.  
  
Sazh sighed. He turned back to Noel, seeing that the young man was looking at him carefully.  
  
“Let’s go home?” Sazh asked, not even realizing for a moment that he had referred to his apartment as ‘home,’ implying that it was Noel’s home too.  
  
Noel nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”  
  
The walk back was quiet. Especially dark for some reason. Noel slipped his hand into Sazh’s at one point, saying nothing. This time, holding hands felt like a tonic, some reassurance against the encroaching loneliness of Sazh’s life. He barely cared if anyone saw.  
  
_____________________________________________________________  
  
Days had a habit of passing into weeks. Time moved on in Sazh’s life. Noel took a job as a test pilot in the hanger, mostly because the staff seemed to want him around. Being a test pilot was a fairly easy job because of how safe all the airships were.  
  
Regardless, Sazh was more than happy to give Noel a job when he asked for one. He had not even considered letting the kid walk out of his life, it had seemed only natural that Noel would stick around. After all, that’s what they both wanted, right?  
  
Yet, as time passed, Noel seemed to develop a strange sense of restlessness. Sazh complained about him being over eager sometimes on the flights--the kid had no business taking risks out there, what was he thinking? Yet, more and more instances came up and Sazh had a foreboding feeling, one he refused to acknowledge, that he might be losing Noel.  
  
One morning, Sazh woke up in his bed feeling familiar hands running up and down his chest and stomach. He grinned into his pillow and tried to hang onto the last remnants of the dream he had been having. It was a dream that had left him in a state of lingering morning arousal. He shifted slightly to let the hardness in his lap rest against the cool sheets.  
  
It was only a matter of time before Noel wrapped his hands around Sazh’s rigid cock, feeling along the hardness deftly like he had learned the landscape of it by rote.  
  
“Mmmmm, dreaming about me?” Noel rumbled into Sazh’s ear.  
  
Of course Sazh had been dreaming about Noel, but he would never admit that aloud. He grunted into the pillow and tried to turn away. But Noel’s fingers never left his cock. His hand began stroking him slowly, as if trying to coax him into acting out whatever had happened in his dream.  
  
Sazh grew fully hard, feeling a prickling excitement run throughout his body. No way he could ignore Noel when the kid was like this.  
  
“You’re really asking for it, huh?” Sazh groaned, turning around so he could wrap Noel in his arms and feel that soft, happily yielding body against his.  
  
“Well, you know me,” Noel answered, climbing on top of Sazh to sit astride his hips. “I can’t help it.”  
  
“I know, I know.” Sazh knew quite well how persuasive Noel could be when he was turned on. It was much better just to let the kid play out whatever was on his mind. Sazh found that he always enjoyed the results.  
  
Noel rubbed his lower back against Sazh’s cock, letting the older man’s hardness stroke softly along his backside. He moaned and closed his eyes. While Sazh watched, Noel slicked his hand with lotion and reached behind himself to slather Sazh the same way. In truth, Sazh had barely even woken up yet, but his body was already at full attention under Noel’s careful touches.  
  
Then Noel lowered himself down onto Sazh, letting himself be penetrated as deeply as he could. He grabbed Sazh’s hands and laced their fingers together. The few seconds it took Noel to sink all the way down on his cock felt suspended in time, slowed down by the sheer intimacy of the act. Once he was settled, Noel pinned Sazh’s hands down above the older man’s head, using the leverage from their interlaced hands to ride him as he pleased.  
  
Sazh tried not to squeeze his eyes shut as Noel worked, even though the feel of being inside Noel was almost more than he could handle. He heard Noel’s moans and could barely look at the kid’s face twisted in ecstasy. He wanted to grab Noel’s hips and slam upwards as fast as he could, ready to get off, but he forced himself to let Noel take his time. After all, the young man looked so content up there...like being impaled on Sazh’s cock filled his heart’s desire. Why ruin that?  
  
As if to confirm what Sazh thought, Noel started speaking through his moans. “Sazh....” he said. “I love being on you like this...I think about it all the time...I could never stop doing this--” He broke off as a shudder of harsh pleasure ran through him, causing him to cry out.  
  
Sazh groaned through gritted teeth, taking in the beautiful sight and the idea of Noel getting off while thinking about being with him.  
  
“...Do you like this?” Noel asked, his voice breaking slightly.    
  
“Yes.” Sazh could barely manage the word. His heart raced and his cock throbbed, all signs that his climax was rapidly approaching.  
  
“Tell me you like it.” Noel’s tone was demanding.  
  
Sazh caught Noel’s gaze in his own and said the words as clearly as he could, close as he was to coming, “I love it, Noel, I love this..” His hips snapped upward of their own accord. “I love everything, I love you---”  
  
As soon as the words were out, Noel grabbed his own cock and came hard, shuddering around Sazh and causing the older man to come just as hard. Sazh’s hands felt crushed, maybe even bruised from where Noel had held onto him.  
  
He had not meant to say it. Not like that, barely even intelligible, so soon into their relationship, and during sex no less...but there it was. The truth had been spoken: He loved Noel. And hearing it had made the kid come, of all things.  
  
Afterwards, as Noel laid on top of Sazh’s chest panting, Sazh thought more about what Noel had said. He could never stop... Did that mean that Noel’s restlessness was not a sign of being bored with Sazh, but rather an indication that Noel was ready for something else?  
  
As he pondered that, Noel lifted his head slightly to stare arrogantly back at Sazh.  
  
“You said it first,” he said. As if it were some kind of competition. Naturally. “But yeah, I love you too.”  
  
Sazh clicked his tongue and pushed Noel’s head back down. He grumbled something under his breath like how cocky could you get. Internally though, Sazh felt very relieved. At least they knew where they stood with each other.  
  
Not long after, the two of them walked to work. The morning sun was bright and the road to the hanger seemed cheerful for some reason. Probably all the morning sex, Sazh reasoned.  
  
“So I’ve been thinking,” Noel said suddenly. “I think we should spend more time together. A lot more, actually.”  
  
Sazh frowned slightly, not sure where Noel was going with this. “Ok. We already work together and spend almost every night with each other. What did you have in mind?”  
  
Noel grinned. “I want to fly. See this new world for myself. I’m an airship pilot now, all I need to do is find a ship I could fly on for as long as I wanted.”  
  
So, this was Noel’s dream. The kid had always wanted a pair of wings to take him places, now he would fly on out into the world, a free spirit---  
  
“And I think you should come with me.”  
  
“Say that again?” Sazh asked, his head snapping up.  
  
Noel was looking at Sazh, taking in every reaction the older man had. “Exactly what I said,” he answered. “I want you to come with me. Just think about it, we could go anywhere, wherever we want! What’s stopping us? There’s so much out there to see, we’ve barely seen anything of this new world, don’t you think?”  
  
Sazh looked away as Noel began listing more and more reasons why they should go on a world tour together in an airship. Like goddamn pirates or something, Sazh thought at first.  
  
But then again...  
  
There was no denying that Noel had wanted to do something like this for as long as Sazh had known him. Even longer. Back in the old world, Noel had always worn this shirt with a pair of wings on it. Sazh always thought it was weird, but now he understood that the kid just wanted to be free. And what better way to do that than to take an airship and travel the world?    
  
Sazh himself had always loved being in the sky. It was the place he felt most alive. As much as he wanted to lay into the kid for being foolhardy, Sazh knew exactly what Noel was feeling.  
  
Well, why not?  
  
“Alright,” Sazh finally said, interrupting Noel from his ongoing list of reasons. “If you’re going to do this trip around the world, on an airship no less, then someone’s got to make sure you fly the damn thing the right way.”  
  
They stared at each other. After a moment, they both found that they were smiling.  
  
Noel sucked in a deep breath and laughed fully. Sazh had never seen the kid so happy. In truth, the feeling was contagious. He had already agreed to do this and that knowledge left a spring in his step. Now there would be things to plan for and do, they had to make arrangements, Sazh had to figure out which airship he wanted to take, which would be best for this kind of extended touring...  
  
It would be a long journey, that’s for sure. But it was only just beginning.  
  


The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! I'm a sucker for a good old fashioned romance, can't help it! If anyone reads this story, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. (Can't promise there won't be a follow-up to this...I might be addicted? That's alright. It's probably harmless. Probably.) 
> 
> Thanks everybody!


End file.
